Day 10

Something I'm afraid of

We all have fears right? Whether it be spiders, heights, clowns, or even Zemmiphobia which is a fear of the great mole rat. Growing up, I had a lot of fears. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little wimp. But those were little kid fears. Now, I have big kid fears. Fear is a lack of faith, so it kinda bothers me that I have fears, but I'm working on it. I'll just talk about 2 of them and they kind of go hand in hand.

I have a fear of failure. Not just failing a test or class, but failing any task. This fear doesn't necessarily keep me from doing things, but it makes me work harder to make sure I don't fail at them. It's also not just in the short term outlook on life, but on my whole life. I fear that I won't live up to who God has called me to be. It's a struggle I've had, but like I said, I'm working on it. I know that if I live for Christ, how could I fail at it right?

My second fear is that I'm going to disappoint the ones that love me and care about. Mainly, disappointing my family and church family. Pretty much every decision I make, I think about how it will effect others and what others would think about it. Not in a bad way. I'm definitely not saying that other's opinions on something will make me do or not do something. For example, at one point I wanted a tattoo. It would've been a scripture but that's beside the point. It was my rebellious nature coming out, because ask my mom, I'm the most well behaved rebellious college age kid you will ever meet. Anywho, I know that if I got a tattoo, it would really upset some people that love me. Of course, they would still love me, but it would really disappoint them. So I'm not gonna get one. I REPEAT, I WILL NEVER GET A TATTOO. I couldn't live with myself if I disappoint those that love me, so I put them above my wants. This only goes to a certain extent though. If I feel like I'm really being called to do something, I'm gonna do it because I know God has my back. But I'm fairly positive He's not calling me to get a tattoo :)

In case you didn't make the connection, these two fears definitely go hand in hand. If I fail at something, I would be letting down the people that love me. And I don't wanna do that. ever.

I also have a fear of this creepy picture. But who wouldn't be creeped about by that?! It just stares at you. Is it a human? A deer? who knows.