Two Homes?

I've discovered recently that I'm in this awkward stage of life right now. I have Rockport, which will always be my hometown. The one and only house I've ever lived in will always be my home. First Baptist Church will always be my home church. I have my friends that are classified as my friends "back home" But now I have Waco. I have a home there. I have friends there. I have a church there. So now what? What is home? Is Rockport home? Is Waco home? 

I texted a friend the other day and said that I missed Waco and my life there. And then I immediately felt like a jerk. I can't miss Waco. I'm home. I'm surrounded by my family, friends, and the beach; how could I miss Waco? Then today while at the beach, I didn't want to leave. I honestly could have sat in the water all day. I wanted to soak it up as much as I could because I'm leaving Sunday and I'll miss the beach so much. As soon as I got to my car, I texted the same friend from before and told her nevermind; I don't want to go back to Waco, Rockport is home. Especially during the summer. I have no doubt that I'll get back to Waco and miss Rockport. If you know anything about me, you know how much I love Rockport. It was really hard for me to go to college because of my love for Rockport. But now while I'm here, I'm missing Waco? Man, maybe I'm just high maintenance. 

So now what? Is Rockport home? Is Waco home? Can you have two homes? When it all comes down to it,  I should realize how blessed I am to be able to call two different towns "home." But I'm not comfortable about it. I don't like that Rockport isn't my ONLY home anymore. But I love it that I've found a life I love in Waco. I suppose that's part of growing up. 

Internship

Like I said before, I had an internship this semester through my Intro to Ministry class. I was working with The Minister of Discipleship and Young Married Adults at First Woodway. Overall, I absolutely loved getting more involved with this church. First Woodway was going through a lot of changes and it was really awesome to get to see the church body follow Christ and trust in His promises. 

At the beginning of the semester, our professor told us that this internship would either confirm our calling into ministry or show us that this isn't what God has called us to do with our lives. This scared me to death when I first heard it. Umm excuse me, I'm in my second year at college and I'm planning on going into ministry. What am I supposed to do if this internship shows me I'm not made for this? It terrified me. However, this internship taught me a few things:

1. Ministry, and the life of a minister, is a hard life.

• Ministry is a full time job. It isn't 8-5 like other jobs so there is no telling when you may be called in to handle a situation
• The repercussions of this job have eternal consequences. This thought is very intimidating to me. In ministry, I have to realize that literally every action of mine can draw someone closer to or further from Christ. 
• You're in charge of leading other people and their walk with Christ which means you have to keep up with your walk with Christ. If a minister stops talking to God, stops reading scripture, and stops working on their relationship with Christ, it will affect their ministry. 

2. Ministry is also rewarding

• This job has eternal consequences which can be intimidating but it can also be so exciting! My job will allow me to spread the word of Christ. What an awesome privilege! 

3. Keeping up with church/culture trends isn't as easy as it sounds

• American families are drastically changing and this has a profound impact on family ministry. How does the church handle homosexuality as it is becoming legal is many state? How does the church be in the world but not of the world? It's hard to stick to your morals with a lot of big issues like this while also being loving, welcoming, and non judgmental.

4. I'm not sure I'm called to work in a church

• Let me clarify, I still believe with my whole heart that I'm called into ministry; I'm just not sure it's ministry within a church. My heart is always pulled towards those in need. Whether it be poverty, seeking shelter from abuse, homelessness, or anything of that sort, I want to help them. I want to help their immediate needs while telling them about how God can help their spiritual needs. At this point, I feel like my calling is in family ministries within urban missions rather than within a traditional church setting. 

My internship was one of the most valuable experiences I've had in college thus far. It helped me figure out exactly what I believe with certain issues and it gave me the opportunity to see how church life is behind the scenes. It was encouraging, overwhelming at times, and reaffirmed my decision to give my life to full time Christian ministry. 

Well hey there!

After two long and crazy months, I'm finally back!! I hadn't even realized it had been two months until someone mentioned it to me. Since my last post, lots has happened in my life. I went to Atlanta to see my sister and brother in law, lead a group of middle school girls at a weekend retreat at church, completed my internship at First Woodway, finished my fourth semester at Baylor, seen firsthand just how God takes care of His children, and thoroughly enjoyed my time home.

Since it would be overkill to talk (type?) about all of these experiences in one post, I've decided to split each one up into a separate post.  While this will be less overwhelming for yall, it will always give me something to actually talk about for awhile! I'm just not creative so this will keep me busy. Nevertheless, I am very excited to talk about everything that's been going on. *Spoiler alert* it's pretty awesome.

All that being said, since I'm not creative, I've decided to make yall do the work for me. So, in either a facebook message, or a comment on this post (can even be anonymous), tell me something you want me to talk about. It can literally be anything (within reason). You can give me a topic, a question that you've been wondering, anything. Be creative, people.

And just in case you haven't seen this video, enjoy.

Caring

I feel like I haven't been on this thing in FOREVER when in reality, it's only been a few weeks. There's a few reasons I go for awhile without blogging:

1. My life isn't all that interesting

2. Sometimes I have a hard time putting into words what's actually going through my mind

3. I'm flat out too busy(or too lazy) to sit down and type out my thoughts

That being said, you now get to hear my thoughts :)

I've been going to First Woodway here in Waco since I've been at Baylor. We had always just gone to the college service but recently we started going to the actual church service because we missed seeing people other than college kids. I missed seeing the young families, the elderly couples, and just the church family in general. I'm also doing an internship there this semester which has allowed me to get to know more people in the church. In short, I absolutely love the church and the people in the church. I've been able to see how they've clung to Christ after the death of two ministers and how they've used that to grow as a body in Christ together. Don't get me wrong, FBC Rockport will always be my home and they will never be replaced. However, doesn't growing up also include moving on? All of this considered, I'm thinking about moving my membership to First Woodway. And it makes me sad to even say that because I feel like I'm abandoning my church family. It makes me sad to think that I'll walk into FBC Rockport and no longer be a member of the church. Am I being too emotional about this? Probably. I can already hear most of you saying, "Now Erin, just because you aren't a member in the books doesn't mean you aren't a member in our hearts." And I know this. I know my church family won't hate me if I change memberships but it still makes me sad. 

Being too emotional about things leads me into my next thought that's been running through my head lately. I've always had a passion for helping people. Obviously, this means that I care a great deal about people. I do my best to put other peoples needs, feelings, and emotions before mine.  I feel like I automatically put someone before myself and it keeps getting me thrown under the bus. But if someone is going to get hurt, I would rather it be me because I know I'll be fine and I'll move on. So do I care too much? Is it even possible to care too much? On the other hand, I cherish this quality about myself because I think it shows Christ's love through me. I would never want to not have this caring trait but it sometimes gets frustrating.

So that's what's been going through my head the past week or so. I know some of yall want to hear about my trip to Honduras and you will eventually. I'm still processing what I saw and what I'm supposed to do now that I'm back so once I get that figured out, then I'll talk about it.

I'm going home Thursday for Easter and I'm so excited. Since I wasn't in Rockport for Spring Break, I'm looking forward to getting to spend time with family and friends and just take in the beauty of Rockport! 

One more thing! I'm obsessed with this song right. I absolutely love the lyrics and the meaning that it conveys. 

*edit-this is easily the most personal blog post I've ever done and it makes me slightly uncomfortable to allow everyone to see it. However, I'm assuming the only people that read this are those that legitimately care about me. So why not allow it to be put out there?

Figuring it out

When I was in elementary school, I remember thinking, "Man, when I'm 20, I'm gonna have it all figured out." I just knew that I would fulfill all my hopes and dreams by the ripe age of 20 years old. I really did think that by this time in my life, I would know who I was gonna spend the rest of my life with, I would know what my career would be, and I would have life all figured out. You know what? I know absolutely none of those answers to those questions. None. I haven't found "the one", I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, and I certainly don't have it all figured out. However, I've recently figured out that no one has life all figured out. But you know what?

It's okay! 

I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to know what my life plan is. When it comes down to it all, it doesn't matter what my plans are. I'll admit, I have huge expectations for my life. I dream about where I want to be in 20 years and I dream big. I want to help families. I want to show them the love of Christ. I want to bring people to Jesus. I want to be married to a man that loves Christ more than He loves me. When my life is finished, I want to hear God tell me, "Well done, child." Honestly, those dreams slightly freak me out because they're big. 

However, those dreams are NOTHING compared to what God has in store for my life. My dreams are big but God's dreams for me are bigger. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

Valentines Day and such

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. If you didn't know that and you have a significant other, I think some stores are still open and if you get lucky, you could probably find a one dollar box of assorted chocolates. But let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Along with Valentines Day comes the flood of Facebook statuses about people(mainly girls) wishing they had a Valentine for the day. They want that special someone to share their love with.

LISTEN UP LADIES: You do not need a guy to make you complete!!

You do not need a man to make your life whole. I realize it's really awesome when you find someone, but don't think that you're gonna die alone because you haven't found anyone by the age of 18. Your worth does not depend on the guy you aren't/are dating.

Rant over.

I've started my internship at First Woodway and I couldn't be more excited about it. I'm loving getting to know the people at Woodway better and I'm so glad I'm able to get this experience. It's only 3-4 hours a week so it's not a lot but I'm still super happy that this opportunity was given to me. I have a conference time with my mentor once a week, I'm involved in a discipleship bible study on Wednesdays that is based on raising Godly children, I'll be involved with different groups starting up a family ministries program and also one that is developing a curriculum for a family devotional based on missions.

It's also nice that people up here are getting to know my heart and my passions with ministry. I've been up here for almost two years and people know my personality and what I like/dislike. However, it's nice that a person within the church is getting to know my heart for families within the church. Also, as much as I absolutely LOVE Rockport and FBC Rockport, it's kinda nice that the people at First Woodway just know me as Erin. They don't know me as Bobby and Kathryn's Daughter. Or Courtney and Joey's sister. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud to be known as those things. However, it's nice that they just know me for me. They know me as Erin, the girl from Baylor that is passionate about working with families and helping them grow closer to Christ.

Thankfulness

I'm in an Intro to Ministry class this semester which I absolutely love. It's a small class so we're able to discuss things and I find it super interesting to see all the different viewpoints thrown into the pot. We each came from a home church and we each attend a church here in Waco. Each of those churches have given us different experiences. Today, we were talking about the polity, or government, of the church. This is a topic that I honestly didn't even pay attention to until I was called into ministry. We talked about deacons, elders, committees, senior pastors, the whole bit.

At FBC Rockport, we have multiple ministers, deacons, committees, and of course, the congregation. After hearing the experiences of the other students in my class, I was reminded how blessed and thankful I am. I heard stories of abuses of power by the head pastor, abuse by the head pastor, hatred from the congregation towards a number of different ministers, and it just left me shocked. I'm so thankful for a loving church family. I'm thankful for a head pastor that deeply cares about his church congregation. I'm thankful for a head pastor that tells us the Word of God whether we want to hear it or not; whether it's easy to hear or not. I'm thankful for a church family that has always supported me, prayed for me, and loved me for who I am. I'm thankful for my church obeying Christ by sending out members on multiple mission trips. I'm so thankful.

In a number of my Child and Family Studies classes, we get into some deep topics. I hear stories from students that involve abuse, tragedy, hatred, sorrow, and disappointment from their parents. I'm constantly reminded of how thankful I am for my family. I have a family that unconditionally loves me. I have parents that support my actions and show me a glimpse of Christs' love for His children. I grew up in a household absent of hate, abuse, and violence. I'm so so so thankful for that. I hear classmates talk about siblings that don't talk anymore or parents that have caused them to not believe in love. I'm so thankful for awesome siblings. I'm so thankful for a family that has showed me how to live out my faith. How to show people love. How to truly trust in Christ in every situation. I'm so thankful. I'm so blessed.

I don't want this post to come off as bragging because I'm definitely not. I'm simply putting into words how awesome God is. I'm stating how undeserving of this I am, yet He gives me so much. He gives me more than I could ever ask for and I'm so thankful.