Molding and Shaping

Before sitting down to write this, I looked back at my last blog post just to see what thoughts were going through my mind at the time. I mentioned how I had no idea what the year would bring but I did know that I would have Christ leading the way.

It's funny how God uses things we say to test us later on.

About a month after that post, all of my plans got thrown out the window. I was looking at a Master's in Christian Education from Dallas Theological Seminary and I was incredibly excited about it. I loved the idea of going to seminary and I absolutely loved the idea of doing it at DTS. Then, I figured out that this degree would not be the most useful for what I want to do with my life. So I had to start over. I went from having a plan to knowing absolutely nothing. I went from knowing that I would be in seminary to not knowing anything at all. At the same time, I also needed to get summer school figured out and get an internship lined up for the fall semester. All the deadlines were approaching and guess what I knew?

NOTHIN.

Ask anyone close to me and they'll tell you that I was somewhat of a mess during this time. I LOVE having a plan. I love having a very detailed plan of what I am going to do and how I am going to do it. I constantly wanted to know what I was supposed to do. I wanted someone to solve my problem and give me an easy way out. So I started researching. I went to people that were in charge of children's home and I asked them what degree they looked for when hiring. I looked at schools and degree plans. I talked to professors. I prayed. I dove into scripture. I begged God to show me where He wanted me. 

After awhile, my anxiety and worry turned into excitement. God opened some doors and everything and everyone pointed back to one degree. A Masters of Social Work. But then what about the theological part? It was very important to me to get the social work experience and but also get the faith aspect as well. I was SO excited about going to seminary and I still felt like that was an option. 

So now, I'm getting two masters degrees. A Masters of Social Work and a Masters of Divinity. 

A few schools have a dual degree program with these two programs and Baylor is one of them. I'm not totally set on Baylor, but it's definitely on the top of the list. I mean, who could turn down 4 more years of living in Waco and being part of the Baylor community? Not me.

So while my degrees have changed, the end goal is still the same. I want to love people as my career. I want to show them that they are wanted and cherished. People that are broken need to see that someone loves them and that God loves them. I think my graduate degrees will allow me to do that. 

That leads me into my internship that I am sooooo stinkin excited about. Starting in August, I will be an intern at The Advocacy Center for Crime Victims and Children. After talking with the program director a little bit and telling him what my passions are, he came up with a few things that I will be doing in the fall. Aside from helping in the office as needed, the main thing I will be in charge of is a group of teenage girls. All of the girls in my group will have been abused at some point in their life either physically, sexually, or emotionally. I will be in charge of facilitating the group and leading discussions about coping, feelings associated with it, etc. I am SO excited about this. Adolescent girls hold a special place in my heart and I'm stoked to be doing this. I will also be one of the people on call to answer the crisis hotline that they have. This job is slightly terrifying to me but I'm sure it will be a great experience! 

Looking back to a month ago, I didn't know anything about grad school, didn't have a plan for summer school, and didn't have any leads on my internship. Now, I plan on getting a Masters of Social Work and a Masters of Divinity, doing my internship and the Advocacy Center, and my summer school is all squared away making it to where the first half of my summer will be spent in Rockport. It wasn't a smooth transition and I definitely didn't make it easy on myself. I was stubborn and had many conversations with God that were bratty and probably pathetic. But I survived. And I know for a fact that I'm following that path that God wants me to follow. He molded my heart and my attitude into something more like Him and as frustrating as it was, I'm so so happy about how it turned out. 

Uncertain yet faithful

It's been almost 3 months since I last blogged and I feel like it's now gotten to that point where it would almost be impossible to fill you on everything that has happened in the last few months. I'll try my best:

•  I survived finals and ended up making Dean's List for the Fall semester
• I had a great Christmas filled with lots and lots of family time
• I started my last Spring semester by taking 16 hours
• I finished 2013 on a high note and I'm planning on 2014 being a year filled with surprises, uncertainty, and adventures and I'm so excited.
• If you wanna know a play by play of 2013, creep on my facebook or just ask me :)

I was going to tell yall about how I actually kept my New Year Resolution in 2013 until I realized that I was thinking of the resolution from 2012!! Embarrassing. However, at the beginning of 2012, I made this post and decided that I would no longer be a people pleaser but I would be a Christ pleaser. While most of the time, being a Christ pleaser lines up with pleasing those that I love, at times it can be a little difficult.
Now, two years later, I can honestly say that I'm getting better at this and I'm so proud of myself for it.

Now for this year. I feel like 2014 (how weird is that to say?) is going to be a fun, stressful, new, patience-testing, and exciting year. I'm to the point in my life where I have to make some incredibly huge decisions that could alter my whole life. I have only this semester, summer school, and next Fall semester left at Baylor and then I'm forced into the real world. A world full of uncertainty. A world full of opportunities to put to use everything I learned in my classes. A world full of people yearning to know of the love of Christ. But do I know what this world looks like? 

Not in the slightest.

I have no clue where I'll be. Maybe I'll be in Dallas in seminary. Maybe I'll find a job and I'll be working full time. Maybe I'll decide to backpack through Europe. Though if you know me, you know I'm not the backpacking through Europe type. Maybe I'll get married and be the perfect trophy wife. Totally kidding. My point is, I have no clue where I'll be or what I'll be doing. This is the first time in my life that I don't have a plan. A year from now, I have absolutely no clue what will be going on. At this point, the thought of that freaks me smooth out. I like a plan. I like routine. I like KNOWING. However, I love Christ more. That's why I'm trying my best to cling to Christ and trust in His plan for my life. His plan is greater than anything I could ever imagine (see Ephesians 3:20). I'm trying my hardest to put my own fears and uncertainties aside to listen to Him about what to do with my life, where to do it, and who to live that life with.

So who knows what 2014 will bring? All I know is that while I'm figuring things out, I have Christ leading the way so I'm good to go.

My little munchkins

This semester, I'm nannying two of the most adorable little girls I've ever met in my life. If you talk to me on a regular basis, you probably know all about KatyJo and Annabelle. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen a ton of cute pictures of them being silly. On one of the days I watch them, I pick them up from their school and bring them home. Let me tell you, those car rides from the church to the house are usually one of high points of my week. 

I'm usually fairly quiet in the car ride because I just like to the listen to the girls. I listen to them giggle with each other and play games. I listen to KatyJo and Annabelle talk about their day at school. Today, I listened to KatyJo tell Annabelle how excited she was about "Halloween 2" that is happening tomorrow night and how Annabelle was gonna be a unicorn while she was gonna wear a "beeeutiful princess dress." A few weeks back, per KatyJo's request, I turned the music down because she wanted to pray for Daddy to feel better because she didn't like seeing him sad.

As soon as we get into the car, KatyJo always asks for me to put on "Angel Armies" which is actually "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin. Sometimes we listen to it on repeat until we get home and other times KatyJo allows me to pick the song (which often ends up with her telling me she doesn't like the song I picked). Most of the time, I quietly sing to myself while mainly listening to KatyJo sing "Angel Armies." There's something that makes my heart swell when I hear a 3 and a half year sing about God always being near her and always fighting for her. Annabelle "sings" a long too but it's mainly just noises that go along with the song. But I'm convinced she's singin to Jesus just like her big sister is. These girls already know Jesus and they're excited about learning more about Jesus. It makes me SO excited to see their faith grow year after year. If you know these girls at all, you know that they're gonna conquer the world in Jesus' name. They have that spunk.

These girls bring me so much joy and they just exude Jesus. They say things that crack me up, like that Jesus gets messy when he eats spaghetti, and then they say things that bring me back to the basics, like that Jesus is always with me no matter where I am. They show me how to forgive others through their own interactions with each other. And week after week, I watch them grow bigger and bigger; transforming into these children that know more than they did the last time I saw them. Even though I'm here to watch them and help them, they're definitely teaching me more than I could ever teach them.

Aren't they just the cutest?!

Wait, life is moving on?

Like I've mentioned before, I'm at this weird stage in life where I'm experiencing life in two different places. I have my Waco life, Waco friends, Waco home, and Waco church. And then I have my Rockport home, Rockport life, Rockport friends, Rockport family, and Rockport church. When I left for college, I thought I would have no problem having two seperate lives but as I'm growing, I'm realizing it's not that simple. And honestly, I'm not quite sure how to handle this. Let me explain.

About 3 weeks ago, something hit me like a ton of bricks: My Rockport life is moving on without me. Can you believe that?! Just kidding. I know it's super selfish. I didn't truly believe that Rockport life would stop when I left, but I didn't take into consideration how it would affect me. I've only been gone 2 and a half years. That's really not that long in the grand scheme of things, but in those short two and a half years, I've gone from knowing every single person in the church to not even knowing some of the leaders. I don't know half of my Sunday school class and they don't know me. I don't know everyone and everyone doesn't know me. I walk into church and see a ton of faces that I don't know.Which is good because that means First Baptist Church is gaining new members and our current members are sharing Christ to the community. But how did I go from someone that was involved in every church activity to a visitor that shows up on holidays and weekends every now and then?

Now, I know people in my church are reading this. Them reading it shows that I have church family that loves me no matter what stage of life I'm in. And no matter how selfish I am about things. And let me assure yall, my feelings about this have nothing to do with the people in my church. It has to do with my heart. It has to do with me trying to figure out how to keep my heart in Rockport while also living my life outside of Rockport. So how do I give my heart to both of these places? How do I stay connected with my Rockport church family that has shaped me into who I am today as well as connecting to my Waco community that is continually shaping me?

What an interesting life

Welcome back, strangers. I haven't posted anything on my blog in almost two months. During this time, people would ask me why I had abandoned it and I would tell them, "My life isn't interesting enough to talk about right now. All I do is go to school, work, keep up with my fantasy football league, and study." It hit me recently that telling people my life isn't interesting is a big fat lie. My life is interesting when it comes down to it. Since I last posted I've:

• Started my third year at Baylor, I'm taking 16 hours of classes and treasurer of the Child and Family Studies Organization
• Turned 21! 
• Started nannying two of the cutest girls on the face of the planet. Katy Jo is about 3 and a half and Annabelle will be 2 in December. 
• joined a Fantasy Football league. Even though the draft was one of the most stressful things I've ever done, I absolutely love doing it. I'm the only girl in my league and I feel like I'm doing pretty decent against all the guys!
• led a group of 7 high school girls at a D-now in Port Aransas. More on that later
• been continually messed up by God in the best way possible

So to all you people that I've talked to about my blog recently, ignore what I told you. Lets get into more detail on some of the things mentioned above.

First, I'm in a Functions of Ministry class this semester. For our main assignment, we have to create a Bible study or sermon. I've led Bible studies and small groups before but actually creating the Bible study is a completely different story. We had to look at the passage in multiple translations, define words in the original language, read a few commentaries, and then decide what the main lessons are. I chose to create a Bible study and was assigned Proverbs 31. Now, we had a list of passages to choose from and I chose Proverbs 31 at the very bottom of the list but that's the one I got assigned. I'm not gonna lie, I literally groaned when I saw what passage I was assigned. Proverbs 31? The passage talking about the perfect wife? The passage that I've avoided because I knew I would never live up to those characteristics? Yep. Sure enough. However, now that I've looked closer at this passage, it's definitely not what I've always thought it was. This passage isn't telling us exactly what all Christian women should be like. It's showing us an example of a wise, Godly woman while another passage gives a visual of a woman that will lead away from God. It's not saying that every women should buy and sell land, make clothes for her whole family, stay up late, and wake up early. It's telling us to be wise. Creating this Bible study was super intimidating for me and that's why I mention it. It scared me to think that I had to interpret the scripture in my way and tell people what I took as the main lessons. However, I think it taught me a lot and taught me how to create things on my own which will definitely be a useful skill in my later career. 

Secondly, I was asked to lead at a D-now weekend in Port A that took place last weekend. For those of you who don't know what a D-now weekend is, it's pretty much an in-town weekend retreat within a youth group. It's packed with devotionals, growing closer to the Lord, bonding, fun, food, and staying in host homes. Honestly, leading up to the weekend, I was really stinkin nervous. I distinctly remember driving home from Waco and having a knot in my stomach because I was so nervous. I've led weekends like this in the past, but they've always been with girls that I know. I had no idea who the girls in my group were. I didn't know their personalities, their families, where they are with their spiritual walks, I knew nothing. By the end of the weekend, I figured out that that was a good thing but for the time being, I was terrified. On Friday night, we were supposed to go over 2 different sessions and we didn't even get through half of the first one. Instead, we just talked as a group and got to share things from our lives. Let me tell you, some of the things that these girls had been through was rough. Things that no one, let alone high schoolers, should have to deal with. At first, I was overwhelmed. I have never been through anything close to some of the things they had experienced. Then, from the encouragement of some people I texted in a panic, I realized that I was there for a reason. I was put as their leader to love on them and show them that Christ is the ultimate healer. By the end of the weekend, I fell in love with those 7 girls. They were sweet, loving, and some of the craziest girls I had ever met and they touched my heart in such an awesome way.

This is my group at the beginning of our afternoon activity. I think if I had taken this picture at the end, we would've looked pretty exhausted. We played a game called "Bigger or Better." Each group started out with a paper clip and had to go door to door asking the person if they had anything to trade that was bigger or better than what we had at the time. The very first person we talked to traded their 1920 Tandem bike made in France for a paper clip. We were pretty ecstatic to say the least. And we won which is always nice. 

My lovely group of girls after church on Sunday plus the youth minister's adorable son. 

As you can tell, my life has been interesting this semester and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. But I love it! I'm definitely looking forward to Fall Break next weekend when I can go home for Seafair and relax a little big though! 

Blue is the new pink

Every once and a while, okay let's be honest, quite often, I get attached to inanimate objects. Come on guys, we all have that one t shirt that we can't get rid of that, the photo that reminds us of one specific event in our lives, or maybe even that book you read over and over again yet never gets old. One of the inanimate objects that I have a strong attachment to is my Bible. This is the Bible that is now covered in pink duct tape because it was falling apart and I didn't want to get rid of it. I had been considering getting a new Bible for a while now but just didn't want to start over. I love that my Bible has my writing and highlighting in it. I can read a certain verse, look at my notes in the margin and remember exactly what was on my heart when I wrote that note. Between the pages, you can find countless notes of encouragement from different people in my life, memorabilia from various church trips and mission trips, and multiple saved conversations on collection envelopes that were used to pass notes during church. There are bulletins stuck between the pages from the church that raised me and also from my Waco church home. I didn't want to get rid of the Bible that helped me survive middle school, high school, and half of college. This Bible has seen my tears of joy and tears of sadness. It's helped me make life altering decisions like college and plans after college. 

But today, I bought a new Bible. A Bible that will be by my side during my adventures over the next few years. A Bible that will help me survive the rest of college and all of seminary. I can't wait to fill this Bible up with my notes, highlighting, underlining. Most importantly, I can't wait to learn the things that God will teach me through this Bible. I'm looking forward to the challenges, comfort, and change of heart that will come with it. 

There were two deciding factors in this decision:

1. My Bible is a "teen version" and we all know that those can be kinda lame at times. 

2. I'm attending Seminary after I graduate from Baylor. I don't want to start Seminary with a brand new Bible, but I also don't want to start Seminary with a bright pink duct tape teen version Bible. 

So, I bit the bullet and bought a new Bible. I already knew exactly what I wanted:

1. Fairly small, but not too small

2. NIV 

3. Paperback for more flexibility

4. Words that Jesus said in red because I find it SO cool to read the exact words that Christ said

5. Somewhat cute/pretty because I'm a girl.

So I ended up with this pretty thang. 

The brown thing on the side is a magnet that keeps it closed. Super cute, right? Also, Mardel puts your name on your Bible for free! So awesome! Now I have to slowly transition from my old Bible to my new Bible. We'll see how it goes!

Update on my life:

• I stopped biting my nails
• I'm one week (2 tests) away from finishing Spanish class for the Summer
• We turned our dining room into a study room
• I get to go home this weekend
• I ordered my books today for the Fall semester and it made me super excited! #nerdalert

I'm learning

Surprisingly enough, I survived Spanish 1 so I started Spanish 2 last week. After one week of Spanish class from 8:30-12, I've learned a few things.

1. The Today Show isn't as good early in the morning as it around 9 o'clock. Last session, I woke up around 8:45, watch the Today Show while I got ready and then left around 9:45. I spent my mornings with Willie Geist and Savannah Guthrie. The hour I watched was mixed with filling me in on world news as well as telling me stories that were more light hearted. I also might have a slight crush on Willie Geist. Lets be real, I have a HUGE crush on Willie Geist. I think he's just adorable. But now, I watch the Today Show from 7-7:50 and it's just not as entertaining. Everything is so serious. PLUS I have to watch Matt Lauer instead of Willie. No me gusta. 

2. I'm not a morning person in any way, shape, or form. I need my sleep, people. Waking up at 7 am is just not working for me. You can ask Briana, I don't talk much in the morning. And I've been told that if someone wakes me up unexpectedly, I make a very mean face. A very very mean face.

3. When you wake up at 7 and have class for 3 and a half hours, it makes for a very long day. I get out of class and I feel like it should be 2 pm yet it's only noon and I still have the whole afternoon free. 

4. No me gusta espanol. 


On a side note, I'm going to Dallas Theological Seminary tomorrow to talk to an admissions counselor and take a tour of the campus. I'm slightly stressed about which seminary to go to so hopefully tomorrow will help. When I was choosing where to get my undergrad, there was never a doubt in my mind where I would end up. I always knew I was supposed to go to Baylor. But now I don't know where I'll end up. I don't know what degree I'll get. I don't know anything besides the fact that I'll go where I feel called and that it will be the right decision for me. 

I apologize for the boringness of this post. My life revolves around Spanish right now so it's not too exciting. Bear with me, yall.