I've hit that point where I feel grown up. It kinda freaks me out a little bit. I thought I felt it last year when I started college, but now that I'm in an apartment, I definitely feel it. I'm almost 20 for cryin out loud! It also kinda hit me today when I was in one of my classes and I looked around and saw about 4 girls with engagement/wedding rings on. Granted, it was an upper level class so everyone was at least one year older than me, but still.
So I started classes this week and I'm still not sure what I think about it. Being the nerd I am, I was secretly excited for classes to start. Then Monday hit and I was trying to figure out why I was ever excited. This semester I'm taking Greek, Neuroscience, Individual and Family Financial Planning, Christian Ethics, and Family Theory. I have 4 classes on MWF and only 1 on Tuesday and Thursday. For most classes, the first day of class is always used to go over the syllabus and get to the know the professors. For Greek, this couldn't be more opposite. Within the first 2 minutes, we were learning the alphabet and it went full speed for the next 48 minutes. We have a quiz the next two class periods and I had about 3 hours of Greek homework yesterday afternoon. All my professors seems nice and welcoming, but honestly, most of them at Baylor are. I'm still slightly scared of my Christian Ethics class. I figured out that across all sections of Christian Ethics, I'm one of two Sophomores and the rest are Juniors or Seniors. When my professor mentioned this he looked at me and said, "Thats umm.....brave, for lack of a better word." Awesome. Thanks for that encouragement buddy. Overall, this semester is going to be hard. Very interesting, but hard.
I totally forgot to tell yall about this dream I had a few weeks back. It FREAKED me out. It was one of those dreams where I woke up almost in tears. I was back in Rockport and I was with some people that decided they were going to go shoplifting at a clothing store in town. I decided to go with them because they said they had plan where we wouldn't get caught. After staying the store all day trying to find the right moment, the store was closing soon. I decided it was now or never so I grabbed a pair of shoes and ran out the door. A store employee caught me and called the police. I was already sobbing because I kept thinking of all the people that would be so disappointed in me. The cop shows up and it's one of my friend's dad who also happens to go to my church. He loads me in the car then lets me have it. "Erin, do you know how many people are going to be disappointed in you? Think about your parents. Think about how they're going feel. What about your church family? They aren't going to look at you the same. They won't let you back in the church Erin. You won't be able to go back to Baylor. You ruined yourself." It was AWFUL. Apparently, he had called my parents in the car because they were already at the jail when we got there. I come out and walk up to them and my dad won't even look at me. My mom says, "Why did you do this? You've never done anything like this, I don't understand." I say, "I know Mom, I messed up, I'm so so sorry. Dad, look at me." Still with his head down, my dad says, "I can't Erin. I'm so disappointed in you. I can't believe you would do this." So I say, "Dad, you're supposed to love me no matter what." He says, "Well right now, I don't know if I can." IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! So I get my stuff and get ready to leave with them when my mom says, "I don't know what you think you're doing. You're staying here. We aren't bailing you out." I was so mad at them. They leave and then I get my one phone call so I call Jessica Robbins to come get me. I tell her what happened and she says, "Erin, I can't come get you. I have to respect your parent's decision, I'm sorry. Then I woke up.
Yall, it was one of the worst dreams I've ever had. It was so real that I woke up and felt the need to apologize to the people closest to me. I went to church that Sunday and felt like people knew I had done something, when I hadn't even done anything! The feeling of those people that disappointed in me was horrible. If I ever wanted to do something like that, all I have to do is think about that dream and remember that feeling of everyone being so disappointed in me. It was horrible.
Now to eat some lunch and do some homework. But first, listen to this song. It's awesome.
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