Restoration and Frustration

Everyone always talks about how evil our society is and how selfish people are. Think about it. How many times a day do you come in contact with someone and think,"Man, they were really rude" or "Seriously lady? You're gonna treat me like that?" Everyone once in awhile, I come in contact with people that restore my faith in humanity. Let me make this clear though, I don't think humanity is evil. Are there people that are awful? Sure. But overall, I have hope for mankind. This past week, I had 2 separate experiences that made me so stinkin happy. First off, I had been having problems with my phone. The battery only lasted about an hour and then it wouldn't charge. I went to the Sprint store here in town and was definitely frustrated. A super nice guy helped me out and told me my phone would be ready in a couple hours and it would be fixed(for a small fee). So I come back, pick up my phone and thank the nice guy for solving my problem. I go home and plug it in. Guess what. It won't charge. So annoying! I head back to the Sprint store for the 3rd time that day. I walk in and head straight for the guy that helped me the last two times. I tell him it STILL isn't charging. He suggests that maybe it's my charger but I had tried it on multiple chargers. So he takes it over to his own charger and plugs it in. I tell him, "If that phone starts charging, I might cry." "Do you want me to get you some tissues?" he says in a joking matter. Of course it would charge on his charger and not on me. Then he says, "look, just take this charger so you don't have to buy a new one." "Seriously? Just take it?" I say to him. "Yea, you can just have it. No charge. You have a great day and Sic em Bears." He just came me his charger! Granted, it's just a charger. But still, it saved me 30 bucks! Made me happy that he was so nice!

Fast forward 2 days.

I drop my car off for an oil change and inspection. About 30 minutes after dropping it off, I get a call saying my car was rejected. My car does not get rejected, people! Apparently, a car can't pass inspection if there's condensation in the headlight. *sidenote* every mechanic I've talked to since then, has said this was bogus. So here it is, 9 days before my inspection sticker expires and I'm told that the only way to be street legal in 9 days is to pay 493 to replaces the whole fixture. Well that's a sticky situation. It just so happened that Briana's car was at a different mechanic in town getting some work done and she needed to pick her car up. These guys have always been super nice to her so I figured I would ask them what they thought. Long story somewhat short, they fixed my light so I could pass inspection and you know how much it cost. NOTHING!  I had 4 guys working on my car to fix it and then told me that they weren't going to charge me. They saved me 500 dollars! It just makes me so happy when people are so nice like that. Makes me realize that despite what everyone says, there are still good people out there.

In case you weren't aware, college is hard. I decided last semester that I was going to take Greek for my foreign language. When I got to class on Monday, we hit the ground running. I was doing 3-4 hours of Greek homework everyday. After lots of  consideration, I decided to drop the class. Actually, I haven't dropped it yet, but I am in the morning. I knew that once the semester got going, I wasn't going to be able to keep up with 4 hours of Greek everyday plus all my other classes. I absolutely hate hate hate that I'm having to drop the class. It frustrates me to no end that I'm having to give up on Greek. But God has a plan right?

Listen to this song, it's pretty great. 

Growing Up

I've hit that point where I feel grown up. It kinda freaks me out a little bit. I thought I felt it last year when I started college, but now that I'm in an apartment, I definitely feel it. I'm almost 20 for cryin out loud! It also kinda hit me today when I was in one of my classes and I looked around and saw about 4 girls with engagement/wedding rings on. Granted, it was an upper level class so everyone was at least one year older than me, but still.

So I started classes this week and I'm still not sure what I think about it. Being the nerd I am, I was secretly excited for classes to start. Then Monday hit and I was trying to figure out why I was ever excited. This semester I'm taking Greek, Neuroscience, Individual and Family Financial Planning, Christian Ethics, and Family Theory. I have 4 classes on MWF and only 1 on Tuesday and Thursday. For most classes, the first day of class is always used to go over the syllabus and get to the know the professors. For Greek, this couldn't be more opposite. Within the first 2 minutes, we were learning the alphabet and it went full speed for the next 48 minutes. We have a quiz the next two class periods and I had about 3 hours of Greek homework yesterday afternoon. All my professors seems nice and welcoming, but honestly, most of them at Baylor are. I'm still slightly scared of my Christian Ethics class. I figured out that across all sections of Christian Ethics, I'm one of two Sophomores and the rest are Juniors or Seniors. When my professor mentioned this he looked at me and said, "Thats umm.....brave, for lack of a better word." Awesome. Thanks for that encouragement buddy.  Overall, this semester is going to be hard. Very interesting, but hard.

I totally forgot to tell yall about this dream I had a few weeks back. It FREAKED me out. It was one of those dreams where I woke up almost in tears. I was back in Rockport and I was with some people that decided they were going to go shoplifting at a clothing store in town. I decided to go with them because they said they had plan where we wouldn't get caught. After staying the store all day trying to find the right moment, the store was closing soon. I decided it was now or never so I grabbed a pair of shoes and ran out the door. A store employee caught me and called the police. I was already sobbing because I kept thinking of all the people that would be so disappointed in me. The cop shows up and it's one of my friend's dad who also happens to go to my church. He loads me in the car then lets me have it. "Erin, do you know how many people are going to be disappointed in you? Think about your parents. Think about how they're going feel. What about your church family? They aren't going to look at you the same. They won't let you back in the church Erin. You won't be able to go back to Baylor. You ruined yourself." It was AWFUL. Apparently, he had called my parents in the car because they were already at the jail when we got there. I come out and walk up to them and my dad won't even look at me. My mom says, "Why did you do this? You've never done anything like this, I don't understand." I say, "I know Mom, I messed up, I'm so so sorry. Dad, look at me." Still with his head down, my dad says, "I can't Erin. I'm so disappointed in you. I can't believe you would do this." So I say, "Dad, you're supposed to love me no matter what." He says, "Well right now, I don't know if I can." IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! So I get my stuff and get ready to leave with them when my mom says, "I don't know what you think you're doing. You're staying here. We aren't bailing you out." I was so mad at them. They leave and then I get my one phone call so I call Jessica Robbins to come get me. I tell her what happened and she says, "Erin, I can't come get you. I  have to respect your parent's decision, I'm sorry. Then I woke up.

Yall, it was one of the worst dreams I've ever had. It was so real that I woke up and felt the need to apologize to the people closest to me. I went to church that Sunday and felt like people knew I had done something, when I hadn't even done anything! The feeling of those people that disappointed in me was horrible. If I ever wanted to do something like that, all I have to do is think about that dream and remember that feeling of everyone being so disappointed in me. It was horrible.

Now to eat some lunch and do some homework. But first, listen to this song. It's awesome.

Speak the Truth

Even though I only moved into my apartment a week ago, I'm back home until Sunday. I met up with a group of people from church for a relaxing few days at the river and I had a blast. We had 12 people there and we just hung out on the river, played a lot of cards, and loved on Jesus. It was such a great way to end the summer. While I was at the river and even leading up to the trip, some things had been in my mind a lot. I've always struggled with fear. Fear of future plans, fear of the unknown, and even fear of fear. It's been something I've had to surrender daily. This time, it's a different fear. It's a fear that makes me reconsider things and reprioritize some things.

First off, I've been thinking a lot about the things I worship and cherish. I love my family and my church family more than anything. But it shouldn't be like that. If God took my family away from me, I wouldn't be okay. I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Shouldn't Christ be all I need? Shouldn't He be enough to fulfill everything in my life? This scares me. It scares me that I put things above Christ and it scares me that Christ might take something along these lines away from me and I'll be completely lost. I know it's something that I'll have to work on. Like someone at the river said this week, I "have to take my family off that altar and put Christ in its place." They also pointed out to me that even though I love my family  now, when I put Christ ahead of them I'll be able to love them even more and even deeper than before.

The next thing that hit me was that I really need to start paying attention to the lyrics of the songs I'm worshiping to. If I'm singing something that I'm not whole heartedly trusting in, should I even be singing it? I should be afraid to be singing lyrics I'm not completely sure about. If I'm singing something, I need to be ready for God to throw something at me to test it out. Take a look at these 2 sets of lyrics.

To you our hearts are open

nothing here is hidden

you are our one desire.

you only are holy

you only are worthy

My foes are many

They rise against me

But I will hold my ground

I will not fear the war

I will not fear the storm

My help is on the way

My help is on the way

Oh, my God

He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear

His promise is true

My God will come through always

Always

If I had to live that out, could I? Is He my one and only desire? I don't know if I can honestly say that this point that He is the only thing I need. If everyone in my life was fighting against me, would I find refuge in God and not fear the storm? It'd be hard for me. It's something that I need to get right with or just need to stop singing. I wanna sing these words and I want to be fine with just Christ as my one desire so I'm gonna work on it. 

On a lighter note, I had a blast at the river. One day our 4 hour float turned out to be an 8 hour float and I was pretty sure my body was just gonna quit moving. As exhausting as that day was, i wouldn't trade it. We all got closer as a group and God is definitely doing some awesome things in all of our lives.