Whoah

How is it already the end of May?! That's pretty much what my life has been like lately.

"Whoah! How is already _______?!" Fill in the blank with a date, day of the week, time of day. It all sums it up perfectly.

These last few months have absolutely flown by which is why I haven't blogged since February. It's almost to the point where I don't even know what to blog about because SO much has happened!

So here it goes. Since the last time I blogged:

• I started a new job. At the time of my last post, I was stressing out about finding a job. I was anxious, worried, and insecure about not having a job. However, God provided (surprise surprise!) and I'm now the Community Coordinator at NewLife Alliance. This is a non profit that is based out of Austin but has sites all across the state. I work at an apartment complex that has low income families of all ages and I'm in charge of all of the social services. This includes the after school program, summer program, educational classes, monthly birthday parties, and just about anything that my residents need! I'm the only employee at the Waco site so I stay super busy but I really love it! There are days where I get in my car to drive home and just cry because the kids were so crazy and I'm so overwhelmed. But there are also days where my heart is so full because the kids bring me so much joy. Due to the demographics of the apartment complex, I have a lot of kids that have experienced things that I couldn't even imagine. They have parents in jail, open CPS cases, next to no money. But you know what? They're still kids that need love. I get to be the person that they see first thing after school. I get to be the one to give a hug when they get off the bus crying. I get to be the person that hangs out with them 3 hours every single day. Sometimes between the tantrums and tears, I forget how lucky I am to know my kiddos. 

• I finished my first semester at Truett!  This first semester was sooooo much fun for me. Even when I thought my head was going to literally explode from Christian Theology, I still thoroughly enjoyed my classes. I find it so cool that every single day, I would leave classes wanting to dig deeper and know more about what was discussed in class. I wanted to talk to people about what I was learning. I wanted to read more Scripture and look at more commentaries about what I was learning in class. I also met a lot of awesome people in my classes. One of my favorite things about seminary is that I'm meeting such a broad range of people. In my undergrad, I was around people my age that had very similar lives as I did. However, my classes at Truett are filled with people of different ages, backgrounds, spiritual journeys, and career goals. This adds sooooo much to classes. It brings about different perspectives and different views of scripture which makes it all so much more interesting. I'm so excited for the rest of my time at Truett!

• I went to Washington, DC for the first time! It feels weird to include this on here because it seems like so long ago. During Spring Break, me, my sister, and my brother in law all went to DC for my graduation present from my parents. One day in January (or somewhere around there), my sister texted me and said that they were having a sale on airline tickets to DC. We randomly decided to go because lets be real, when is airfare ever cheap?? Since most of the stuff in DC is free and we could stay with my sister's sister in law (thanks Emily!!), the trip ended up being pretty cheap! We saw just about everything there was to see in 3 days and by the end of the trip, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to walk anymore. Seriously, my feet and legs have NEVER hurt as bad as they did on that trip. But it was so worth it!! I loved getting to see all the monuments, the museums, the White House, and just being in the city. I'm such a small town girl so experiencing a "big city" was completely new to me. I started off being completely incompetent about the metro to becoming a professional metro rider. I also loved getting to spend some quality time with Courtney and Justin. I'm so lucky to have a sister who is my best friend and a brother in law that puts up with us and actually likes hanging out with us! 

 Those were the three main things that took up my time this semester. For the majority of the semester, I was gone all day and would get home around 7, work on homework, then go to sleep. Despite being incredibly busy, stressed, and overwhelmed with things, I absolutely LOVED it. I got incredibly close two of my friends in Waco and I really don't know how I could have survived the semester without them. I learned things about myself including some of my strengths but also some of my weaknesses. I learned that it's okay not to have everything under control at all times. I learned that I can survive completely independent from my parents (due to the fact that I had really awesome parents to be dependent on for the first 22 years of my life). I learned that God can take our flaws and use them to connect us with other people for His glory. I learned that without Christ at the center of things, they fail regardless of how much you want to accomplish things on your own. Most importantly, I learned that God is faithful and present in every single aspect of my life. 

As for now, I'm in summer mode! This means lots of sunshine (if it ever stops raining and storming), summer camp, wedding planning (not mine, for the record!), reading books that aren't for class, and hopefully lots of sleeping!  

Lastly, please keep all of the flood victims in your prayers. I can't even begin to imagine what they're going through. Hearing the stories is absolutely heartbreaking.

Community

At the beginning of this semester, I could sense that a lot of changes were coming my way. Even though I was staying in Waco, I was starting a new chapter in my life. I had heard rather intimidating things about attending seminary, so I was a little nervous. However, my prayer for the semester was community. I was praying for community at Truett, at church, and within my friend group. I was also praying to see how each of those smaller communities fit into the Community of God. The Church. Big C Church. I made this my daily prayer. I prayed for true friendships and relationships. I prayed that each individual community would strengthen each other and glorify Christ. 

It's been almost 2 months since I've been praying about this and it has been SO cool to see how God has answered those prayers more than I could have ever imagined. Shout out to Ephesians 3:20 for that one. 

^" Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

I've seen God work in my group of friends here in Waco. It's been so cool to see how He has molded our group into the solid friend group it is today. From chick fil a runs to watching the Bachelor (don't judge), to laying in my bed late at night to calm me down when I'm having a freak out moment about a boy, my friends are seriously the best and I know God had a hand in that.

I've also seen God work in the community at Truett. Because I started in the Spring semester, our orientation group was a lot smaller than the regular orientation group in the Fall. However, I feel like we're a pretty close knit group. We're all in classes together and it's been such a joy getting to know each of them. At Truett, we also have Covenant Groups which are pretty much just small groups created to focus on our spiritual formation throughout our time at seminary. To be honest, I was a little worried about Covenant Group. I had heard that they were very hit or miss depending on the group. However, I have absolutely loved my group. There's only 4 of us plus our leader but we are such a diverse group of ladies. We are all different ages with different backgrounds, faith stories, and struggles. It's been incredibly encouraging to know that I have people praying specifically for me during the week. 

Lastly, I've seen God work with the community at church. Throughout undergrad, I had been going to a local church but hadn't been super involved. I missed the community that comes from a church family so I decided to get more involved. I found a class for young adults and then through that class, found a weekly Bible Study that was starting. Even though I'm still on the fence about Beth Moore Bible Studies (don't kill me, church ladies), I've loved having a group of girls that I meet with every week and study scripture with. The study is on Daniel and it's been really interesting. 

All of that being said, I've seen God go above and beyond these past 2 months. He's answered my prayers and even did it rather quickly which is even better since I can be rather impatient! I went into seminary very hesitant and doubtful about it. However, I have absolutely loved how everything has gone this semester and I couldn't be happier. My prayer will now be for these communities to strengthen and grow in Christ so we can better serve Him.

 And now it's time for the first round of tests so I have been doing lots of studying, reading, and lets be real, a lot of procrastinating. So I will be spending my weekend studying! Please come soon, Spring Break!!

Faith Story

At Truett, all students are required to be involved in a Covenant Group. This is for spiritual formation throughout our time at seminary. My group is composed of our leader, myself, and 3 other lovely ladies. We're all in different walks of life so I'm excited to see where The Lord guides us this semester. For our first assignment, we were asked to write out our faith story and share it with our group. I figured I would share it with yall too! It's rather long, so hang on with me. But it's hard to put 15 years of God's work into one story! I could go into way more detail with every event and if you want more detail, just ask and I would be happen to tell more!

Faith Story

When I think about writing out my whole faith story, I get slightly overwhelmed. I was baptized at age 7 so this story goes across a span of 15 years. It’s overwhelming because I’ve seen God do so much. From the huge events that can only be explained through Him to the little situations that I can look back on and think, “God that was totally you. I had no idea at the time, but that was all you.” I reflect back on the happy times, the times filled with sorrow, and the times filled with anger. The times when I felt like God was running next time me but also the times when I couldn’t feel him near for long periods of time.

Like I said before, I was baptized when I was 7 years old. My sister and I were baptized at the same time by our father in front of our church. Even though this is huge milestone in my journey, I would not classify it as one of the defining moments. It was only the first introduction. The seed that was planted that would eventually grow and blossom. For the next few years, nothing truly significant happened. Which looking back now, I can see that this wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Once I got to high school, I could feel The Lord preparing me. This absolutely terrified me. I was comfortable. I went to church twice a week, followed all the rules, was nice to everyone, so I thought I was good to go. However, God very abruptly showed me that this was not okay. Going through the motions and looking like the “good” Christian is not okay. For about 5 or 6 months, I didn’t feel God’s presence in my life. These months were filled with doubting, searching, and figuring out what I believed. By the end, I had finally made my faith in Jesus Christ my own. I didn’t just believe what my parents told me and I didn’t just pray when I needed something. I had an actual relationship with Jesus Christ. One that sustained me and brought me joy. Looking back, I see how this was in God’s plan for my life and how it was timed perfectly.

It’s not possible for me to talk about my faith and not include my church family. Aside from my biological family, my church family has had one of the biggest impacts on my spiritual formation. I grew up in Rockport, TX and my church family was filled with some of my favorite people. I had a group of people that truly knew me, loved me, and prayed for me. They were invested in my life, my activities, and especially my spiritual formation. Obviously, my biological family was incredibly important as well. My family is rather large, so I have always seen my great aunts and uncles, 2^nd and 3^rd cousins, and whatnot on a pretty regular basis. My best friends include my sister, mom, aunt, and cousin. My family means the world to me. They were always supporting me and praying for me. While this is a great thing that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world, it also made me a people pleaser to the extreme. I found myself living my life to please people that loved me, instead of pleasing Christ. This is a character trait that was pointed out to me in high school and that I’ve struggled with every single day. This all came to a head towards the end of my undergrad. A huge disagreement happened in my home church and it caused a lot of division. People that I had looked up to for years and had been mentors to me were suddenly in the wrong. I saw human nature come out more than Christ-like nature and it was horribly unpleasant. I learned that people fail. It’s inevitable. This is one of the many reasons that I cannot live for people. They will fail me time and time again yet Christ will not.  I literally have to wake up every day surrender that part of me over to Christ and even then, it is a daily struggle for me. However, I seen how this character trait, or flaw, also instilled in me a yearning to help people. To make their life better because I desperately want people to be happy. So while at times it can be bad, it has also shaped me into who I am.

I surrendered my life to Christian ministry my senior year in high school. I had no clue what it would look like and I wouldn’t figure it out until halfway through my undergrad. Once I got to college, I knew that I was being called to help the people in the world that were broken and hurting. I also knew that I was being called to seminary which absolutely terrified me. I didn’t want to go and I especially did not know how I was going to pay for it. After months of prayer and talking to different people, I applied to Truett for the Masters of Divinity and Masters of Social Work dual degree program. So not only was I now getting 1 Masters degree, but two. I got accepted but I had no idea how to pay for it. I absolutely knew that I was supposed to be a part of this program and if I knew that I was called to do it, then God would make it happen. It was a time where God was teaching me patience and how to be faithful and trust Him. A week after I told Truett that I would be attending, I was notified that I received a scholarship that would pay for 100% of my tuition at Truett.

The last major milestone in my faith story happened last semester and it was definitely the most significant because it forced me to deal with something I hadn’t dealt with before and it forced me to place my trust in Christ because I literally had no other option. Growing up, I had never had to deal with the death of someone close to me. Even to this day, all 4 of my grandparents are still alive. I had never had to experience it until last semester. On October 18^th my Uncle Matt died of a heart attack. He had had the heart attack 2 weeks before, and had been in ICU until he passed away. Uncle Matt was one of my favorite people in the world. I had grown up with him as my second dad. He was a genuinely good guy that loved the Lord and loved every person that he came in contact with. The weeks leading up to his death were filled with tears, long days, and lots of prayer. Prayer that started as begging and bargaining and eventually changed to prayers asking for peace and comfort for us. After he died, I also learned that it was okay to be mad at God for a little bit. It’s okay to think that His plan isn’t fair. It’s part of the grieving process. Still today, there’s days where it still doesn’t feel real and I hate it. About a month after he died, one of my best friend’s moms passed away. In a span of a month, two of my favorite people in the world were gone. It seemed like everyone around me was hurting, including myself. While these were times that caused immense pain and sorrow, they were also times that I saw God present the most. I saw Him in people that ministered to us, in ways that He comforted us, and simply just the fact that we were able to get out of bed every morning afterwards. There was no way possible that I would have been able to do it without him strengthening me along the way.

At this point in my life, I don’t know if I have ever felt closer to God. I’m noticing little things in my life that He is doing and they bring me so much joy. I’m surrounded my people that bring me closer to Him, I attend a great school that has me constantly exploring my faith, and I’m just so happy. It’s been so interesting to look back and see how He has used things to prepare me for what was going to happen. For instance, even though the process he took me through in high school was difficult at the time, if He had not made me reevaluate my relationship with Him, I would not have been able to handle Uncle Matt’s death. The strength that He had built up within me was put to use during the most trying time of my life. This semester, I’m praying for community. Community within my classes, my church, and my friends. Then also how each of those individual communities will work towards the Kingdom of God. I’m excited to see what God will do with me during these next few years in Waco. I have no idea what the next few years will look like. I’m sure there will be highs and lows, but I’m even more sure that my relationship with Christ will withstand it all.

Immediate Satisfaction

I've recently become very aware of how our society runs on immediate satisfaction. We want our food fast, quick results, and the perfect thing the first time. Did you know that Amazon is providing a service where you can order something online and they get it to you within a few hours?! Anything we want with the click of a button and we'll have almost immediately. When things don't work that way (which lets be real, is the majority of the time), we get rather upset. This is why gym memberships sky rocket at the beginning of the year and then everyone stops going by February.

I think this is also why my generation has a problem with owning our faith and having a long-lasting relationship with Christ. 

How many times have we prayed for something for a week and then decide that it's not happening so we just stop praying about it?

Guilty? I am. 

How many times do we want to grow closer to Him and when it doesn't happen immediately, we decide that it's not gonna happen? 

In scripture, we aren't told that our prayers will be answered immediately. When it comes down to it, there isn't a sense of time in Heaven, so of course God doesn't answer our prayers depending our own timeline. In 1st Corinthians 9, Paul talks about running the race. He says to,

"Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

This race that Paul talks about running isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.Throughout this race, there will be times when we have strength and power but there will also be times when we are weary and tiresome. However, throughout it all, we run the race for Him and trust that He will strengthen us.

Psalms 37:7 tells us to "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." 
I am SO bad at being still and waiting for the Lord to act. By nature, I'm a "fixer." I see a problem, so I fix it. I don't like something that's happening, so I fix it. But this isn't what scripture is telling me to do. I'm told to wait patiently for Him to do His work. 
 

This is something that has been on my heart the last few weeks. When I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in, I need to trust that God will either remove me from that situation, somehow show me the reason for being there, or simply just give me the strength to continue on until He works it out for His good. 

I've decided that I need to pray for this daily. So when I call my mom crying about hating something, like I did recently, I can be reminded that I am there for a reason. Whether it is just for me to simply grow as a person or to influence others around me, I am there for a reason that I do not know yet. But the Lord knows it all, so who am I to question that? 

Semester wrap up

This semester has been all over the place. I've had some of the most heartbreaking times of my life but also some of the greatest. I'm usually not a very emotional person but I think I've cried more this semester than ever before. Not necessarily sad tears, though! Although, I had more than my fair share of those, too. This post will be a recap of the highs and lows. You'll learn about great things happening but also the sad things that have happened in the past 4 months or so. Despite the ups and downs, I've seen firsthand how faithful the Lord is and how evident it is that He has ordained every aspect of my life.

And since my brain only works in an incredibly Type A fashion, everything is in chronological order :)

Uncle Matt passed away

You can look at my last post for more on this tragic event. It was easily the hardest moment of my life thus far and I still sometimes don't think that it actually happened. I was scrolling through my pictures on my phone and a silly picture of him, my aunt, and my mom popped up and it stopped me cold. It was suddenly hard for me to breath and it felt like a brick was sitting on my chest. It's still so weird to me. But then there's also times where I think of Uncle Matt and I smile and think about what his response would be to the current situations in my life. I also had a dream about him about a month ago. It was a happy dream and I felt like I got to see him one last time which was nice!

Acceptance to Truett

Around Halloween, I found out that I was accepted to Truett Seminary here at Baylor. I'm starting on my Masters of Divinity in just a few weeks and after that, I'll get my Masters of Social Work.

100% scholarship to Truett

Right after I found out that I was accepted to Truett, I also found out that the scholarship I had applied for actually started in June and not January. I was full on panicking about paying for school. I could take out a loan and pay for one semester, but what if I didn't get the scholarship and had no way to pay for all the other semesters? About 2 weeks before I had to confirm my attendance at Truett, my mom asked me what I was going to do. I told her that I know without a doubt that I was supposed to be at Truett so I was going to confirm my attendance and just trust that somehow, God would work it all out and my school would be paid for. Literally the next morning, I got an email saying that I was one of 8 students that was receiving the scholarship that pays for 100% of my degree at Truett and about half of my degree at School of Social Work!! It was such an answer to prayer. I called my mom freaking smooth out and then definitely cried. But happy tears this time!!

Internship

My internship lasted all semester so I decided just to put it in the middle. It's my blog so I can make those decisions :) 

My internship was such a blessing this semester. I learned A TON about helping abuse victims and how the whole system works. However, that wasn't necessarily my favorite part. My favorite part was the people that I worked with. They were so incredibly encouraging and Kerry, my supervisor, was so supportive through everything that I had going on this semester. I could come in on the verge of tears and he was able to talk me into being rational instead of uber emotional.

 

Mrs. Breeding passed away

Not too long after Uncle Matt passed away, Mrs. Breeding, one of the sweetest ladies I know passed away as well. She was diagnosed with cancer in Spring and lost her battle at the end of November. Mrs.Breeding was my math teacher for 2 years in high school, her son JC is one of my close friends, she was in the ladies group that I considered all my second moms, and she was a fellow sports lover. She loved more than most people I know and she was so incredibly sweet. I think it's literally impossible to describe how great she was. It's been such a blessing to see how her family has clung to Christ's promises and worshiped him throughout her battle and continues worshiping after her death.

Got a job

The other exciting thing that happened was that I got a job! Like a grown up, pay the bills, steady job. I had been looking for about 2 weeks and was exhausted from looking at the same job postings everyday. Every job seemed to lead to a dead end. One afternoon, I found a job that was for an office assistant in a law office. It was about 30 hours a week and could potential work around my school schedule. On a whim before I left my internship for the day, I emailed him my resume and added a quick note about it. About 4 hours later, I got a call. He said that he had received my resume and was very interested. Come to find out, about 80% of his cases are with child abuse and neglect. When a CPS case is opened, he is the attorney appointed by the court for the child. Isn't it awesome to see how God works everything out?! So now, I am the office assistant at the Law Office of Charles L. Levy. It's fast paced, stressful, and so interesting! I love the people that I work with and I come home everyday mentally exhausted from everything that I'm learning.

Graduating 

So now, in 36 hours exactly, I will be graduating Baylor Cum Laude with a Bachelors of Science in Child and Family Studies. I have absolutely loved my time at Baylor. Everything from my amazing professors to the beautiful campus to the friends that I've made, Baylor has been so great. I'm thankful that I get to be at a university that cultivates my faith in Christ and serving others. I'm so glad I get to stay here for a few more years! 

Oh and I'm gonna take a selfie with Kenny Starr, our president, when he hands me my diploma. Get pumped.

So all in all, Fall 2014 has been crazy. Some of the worst things happened but also some of the greatest. I've seen Christ's goodness firsthand time after time. I've been stretched thinner than I thought possibly but looking back, I can see how I've grown from it. 

So here's to 2015!! Praying that it will be much better than 2014! 

Death

Death is a weird thing.

It's unnatural.

Unfair.

Surreal.

Up until a few weeks ago, I had never had to deal with death. I'm 22 years old and all of my grandparents are still alive and no one super close to me has died. Until now. On October 18, 2014 my Uncle Matt passed away. It's so incredibly strange for me to type that because it still doesn't feel real. 

As my brother put it, Uncle Matt was one of the good ones. And when we say "good," we mean it in the truest sense of the word. He was one of those guys that would do everything in his power to help you even if he didn't know you. He made friends with everyone he met and he could put a smile on anyone's face.  He had a servants heart which was very evident by looking at how he spent his time and energy. He loved Despicable Me and Kung Fu Panda and watched them frequently. He made some of the best BBQ I have ever eaten in my life and he rocked his crocks better than anyone else I know. He was one of the greatest uncles I could ever ask for. From birth, he treated me as his daughter and always welcomed me into his home. 

Death can be sudden. It can happen when we least expect it. Like I said, I've never had to deal with death, so when he died, I wasn't exactly sure how to handle it.I've taken classes on the grieving process and how to help families through the death of a loved one. But it's not the same as actually going through it firsthand. I know for a fact that without my family and Christ, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. We had to learn how to grieve together. We learned what it meant to truly feel heartbreak and deeply hurt for one another. It's a feeling that I've never experienced before and one I certainly do not want to feel again anytime soon.

When a loved one dies, we're expected to cry and be sad. But a lot of times, if we mention anger, we're suddenly in the wrong. 

But sometimes, you just need to tell someone that this sucks. 

Death sucks. 

It sucks that we lost Uncle Matt so suddenly. 

It sucks and I absolutely hate it. 

A lot of times, especially in the Christian environment, it almost feels off limits to be angry. Not necessarily angry at God but just angry that it happened. People can make it seem like if you're angry, it's a sign that you don't have enough faith in God. I don't think of it that way. You can be angry and still have complete faith and trust in God. That's where I'm at right now. Of course, I'm still incredibly sad that my beloved uncle is gone. But I'm also angry that he's gone. It's not fair by any means. But is my faith still intact? Of course. It's stronger than ever actually.

Now, don't take that last paragraph to say that I'm angry at the world or at God. I still see God's goodness all over the place. Heck, I've seen the Church and the love of Christ in action a ton in the past few weeks. I've felt comfort that I know can only come from Him. I'm simply angry at the situation. In time, I know I won't feel this way. But at this point, that's where I'm at. 

Every once and while, I see something that makes me think of Uncle Matt and it hits me like a ton of bricks that he's actually gone. For instance, I went to send a text and his name popped up on my phone screen with the messages he had sent me. It was filled with lots of emojis and silly pictures. He loved using emojis. Or I'll think about going back home and him being at my grandma's house. It's like a punch in the gut when I realize that he won't be there. It's such an odd and horrible feeling that I have yet to get used to. 

The one consolation that I have in all of this is that I know I will see Uncle Matt again and I can't help but smile when thinking of what a glorious reunion that will be. For some reason, I picture him running towards me in a sombrero, like in the picture below, and giving me a big ol hug. It's times like this that I'm so incredibly thankful for salvation. I know I will see him again. But until then, I'm still on this side of Heaven. And while I'm here, I'm going to live a life that Uncle Matt would want me to live. This includes lots and lots of laughter, lots of family, serving others, and glorifying Christ every chance I get.

"Whenever anybody whom we love dies, we discover that although death is commonplace it is terribly original. We may have thought about it all our lives, but if it comes close to us, it is quite a new, strange thing to us, for which we are entirely unprepared. It may, perhaps, not be the bare loss so much as the strength of the bond which is broken that is the surprise, and we are debtors in a way to death for revealing something in us which ordinary life disguises.”
― William Hale White

Internship

I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow, it is my final semester of college. This semester, I have a pretty comfortable class schedule. No class on Fridays and my only class on Tuesdays and Thursdays is Yoga. Technically, it's "rest and relaxation," but lets be real, it's yoga.
Two of my classes are not meeting with an actual class and I'm just doing them independently with my professor. One of those classes is my internship which I'm doing at The Advocacy Center for Crime Victims and Children (find out more about them here). However, my internship wasn't starting until the 3rd week of school. 

So for the first two weeks, I was bored out of my flippin mind. I would do all my homework rather quickly and then just be bored. Really really bored. But I have good news. 

I STARTED MY INTERNSHIP TODAY! 

Ask anyone that I talked to last night and they'll tell you that I was a nervous wreck. I had no idea what to expect. I also had to wear grown up clothes which I was not too happy about. Being a professional is hard, yall. So after an hour and a half of trying on outfits, picking the first outfit that I tried on, and getting my bag all packed, I was ready for my internship. I felt like a little kid going off to school for the first time. 

You know how some people teach their kids to swim by just throwing them into a pool (which is not recommended)?  That's kind of how my first day went. The main thing that took up my time was observing a forensic interview. One of the main services at The Advocacy Center is the forensic interview. This is done so that children don't have to tell their story (involving physical and sexual abuse) multiple times to multiple people. They talk about what happened and they only have to relive the trauma once. It's set up in a way to be comfortable for the child and more like a conversation than an interrogation. The interview takes place in one room while we (interns and CPS workers) listen and observe from a TV in a different room.

The interview today was with a 6 year old girl. Her parents were divorced and in the middle of a nasty custody battle. CPS had been called a ton of times and there were signs of physical abuse on the girl. She talked about her life at moms house, at dads house, when and where dad "pops" her, and all the details of the abuse. As you can imagine, the interview was hard to hear. According to other interns, this was one of the more tame cases. Working with physically and sexually abused children, I'm sure I'll hear/see way worse. I was feeling a little overwhelmed, to say the least. 

When I was telling different people about my first day, they kept telling me, "oh, you'll be doing this for your career. You'll get used to it." I don't want to get used to it! The day I get used to seeing children abused is the day I'm desensitized to it all and most likely, the day I will step away from the job. Unfortunately, I know that child abuse will most likely never be eradicated. But each day, we're helping individual children. For that day, we might be the only people that truly listen to the child. The only person they can trust for the time being.

So now I'm sitting here with my first day as an intern complete and lemme tell ya, I'm so excited about. Don't get me wrong, I'm nervous. I know it'll be really stinkin hard. I'm sure I'll leave certain cases that tear me up inside and make me furious. But I know I'm supposed to be working with this population at this organization. I'm excited to see what all I learn in the next few months!


Oh. And I'll be 22 in 11 days which is totally strange.