Summer Reading

IT'S FINALLY SUMMER!!!

Words cannot express how happy I am that it is finally summer break. I was signed up for a Maymester class but decided that a mental break was necessary. The whole second half of the Old Testament in 11 days just did not sound enticing right after finals. So no school until August for this girl! I'll be working two jobs and enjoying life. AND READING! 

When you're in seminary, or just grad school in general, it's almost impossible to find time to read a book that isn't for school. Therefore, I've devoted this summer to reading and I'm super super excited about it! I ordered a few books on Amazon the other day and I was seriously giddy about getting them. Even the free 2 day prime shipping wasn't fast enough for me. I've also decided to keep all you fine readers (all 10 of you) updated about the books I read. I'm hoping to make it through my whole list and I'm hoping that all of them are wonderful and fascinating. Also, if you want to borrow a book, just let me know and I'd be happy to lend it to you! But know that my books are my babies and I will hunt you down until I get it back. Someone borrowed a book from me about 4 years ago and I never got it back and I'm still sad about it. 

So here's my list: 

First off, don't judge my choices. I realize that I read weird books that most wouldn't choose. For instance, 3 of the 11 books are about cults and 2 of the 11 are on child abuse/trauma and how it effects the brain. But I'm so excited!!! I know you're just as excited about reading about them too, right?! 

I plan to read them in the order that they're in the pile and hopefully I make it all the way through before classes start back up in August. Actually, I literally just finished the top one so I'm making good progress!! 

Book 1: 7, An experimental mutiny against excess by Jen Hatmaker 

Description via Amazon: "7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence."

Personal Review: I thought this book was thought-provoking yet a bit extreme. I like the idea that she's going for and I agree that we tend to live in a constant state of excess. Her 7 categories were clothes, spending, waste, food, possessions, media, and stress. I appreciated the fact that she was incredibly transparent throughout the book and admitted to the fact that sometimes, the experiment just wasn't fun. However, she also let us into her spiritual life and told us what God was revealing to her throughout the 7 month experiment. It was a nice reminder to me that a lot of time while I'm living in a state of "excess" and not even noticing it, there are others that are living with the complete opposite; nothing. It also reminded me that my earthy possessions whether they be food, clothing, books, media, etc., can very easily replace God in my life. So I'm starting off my summer by remember that my stack of books may be thought provoking, super exciting, and interesting, but they do not in any way, shape, or form, replace my time reading God's word. It's all about balance, people! 

Up next: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. 

To give you a glimpse at the amazingness of Brene Brown, take a look at this Tedtalk about vulnerability that she did a few years back. SO good! 

Happy Summer, all!! At some point, I'll also post about how this semester went. God was at work, for sure, and I'm glad I got to be a part of it. 

Work in Progress

The past few months, it has been super evident that God is working on my heart. He's been pulling out every insecurity that I have and forcing me to work them out. Every unhealthy habit that I have is being completely squashed. It's not fun, it's not easy, and it's sure as heck not a fast process. But it's a necessary one. 

In Mark 8:22-26, we see Jesus healing a blind man. Jesus spit on his hands and rubbed the man's eyes. Suddenly, the man could see. However, he didn't see clearly. Then, as verse 25 tells us, "his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly."

When I first read this passage and we discussed it in one my classes, I thought "wait. Did Jesus just fail at healing this guy?!" It made no sense to me. I even remember having the discussion in class that maybe there was just spit in the guys eye and it was blurring his vision. 

However, I realized a little later that I AM THAT THE BLIND MAN. 

How many times has God revealed something to me and I see it, but I don't really see it. How many times has He said, "Erin. Stop being a brat and apologize to that person" and I convince myself that it isn't really necessary?

Or how many times has God told me that I need to give up my pride and I ignore it and think "No no. I can do this on my own?" 

This passages is showing us that we are constantly being worked on by God. Our relationship with Him isn't one that comes down to a quick fix. Right now, I'm at the "rubbing the eyes a second time" stage.

It's highly uncomfortable. But by the end of this, I'll be able to see things clearly. 

That is, until The Lord decides to pick something else of mine that needs some reworking :) 

If you're in this stage, be encouraged and persevere. If you don't feel like you're in this stage, be praying for 2 things. First, pray that God would reveal something of yours that needs surrendered over to him. Next, pray that during that time, He would give you the strength and courage to completely surrender it so you can see clearly. 

Project Serve

This past weekend, I was able to lead a D-now weekend in Port Aransas. I love working with FBC Port A. The congregation is kind, the students are genuine, the environment is chill, and the scenery is beautiful and peaceful. I worked with FBC Port A about 2 years ago when I also led these high school girls for the first time. That weekend was my first time leading a D-now with students that I didn’t know so I feel like I have a special bond with these girls. Last year, I wasn’t able to help out because it ended up being the same weekend that my uncle passed away. So this year, I got to lead my girls again. I had 9 girls and 3 of them were from my original group from 2 years before. I don’t know if it’s possible to put into words how awesome and refreshing this weekend was for me, but I’m going to try! 

Our weekend was titled “Project Serve.” It focused on being a servant to Christ and how to serve, who to serve, and when to serve. It was so encouraging to hear my group of girls talk about how they can serve Christ and serve others. As a teenager, it isn’t always easy to serve those around you. I saw my girls take in what we were talking about in scripture and then put it to use just in the two days that I was with them. All 9 of them have so much to give and it was ­­encouraging to see them use that to show other people Christ. 

Another big component to the weekend was the worship sessions that took place. Phillip, the youth minister, brought in 2 guys from his hometown that were phenomenal. Cody, the worship leader, is only a senior in high school and did an amazing job leading worship. Granted, by the end of the weekend, about half of my girls were in love with him, but nevertheless, he was great. I­t was very evident that he was worshipping, not performing, and his goal was to worship Christ and not just show off his talents. Our speaker for the weekend, Zakk, was also really great. He’s a young adult, so he connected to the students really well and made scripture real for them. It was very clear that God was speaking through Zakk the whole weekend. Granted, my girls were convinced that it was God’s will for me to marry him, but oh well. Our small group sessions were heavily influenced by these two guys and it wouldn’t have been the great weekend that it was without them. 

On Sunday morning, Zakk called the leaders together and told us that his last message would be on the passage about Jesus washing feet. He told us that as leaders, we would be washing our student’s feet. I’m not gonna lie, my first thought was that I was thankful that I had high school girls and not a group of boys. However, the time spent washing the feet of my 9 girls with my co-leader was such a sweet time of service and worship. We washed their feet and prayed over them before sending them back into the real world where they could then go and serve their peers.

Every time I lead a weekend retreat, I end up feeling the same emotions.

Encouraged.

Refreshed.

Humbled.

Honored.

Joyful.

So often, I hear people ragging on teenagers in today’s society. I hear people call them selfish, rebellious, and focused only on popularity. However, this weekend showed me the complete opposite. I saw students with hearts ready to serve others and serve Christ and it was so rewarding.  I’ve seen some of these girls grow a lot over the last 2 years and I’m so excited to see how they continue to grow in Christ. I love each of those girls with my whole heart and it’s so humbling that I get to be a small part of their spiritual journey. Despite the massive amounts of coffee I had to drink this weekend, I left feeling refreshed, overjoyed, and excited to see God continue to move in their lives.

Us vs. Them

About a month ago, I took a break from Facebook. I was overwhelmed by things I was seeing and more than anything, I was discouraged.  So after my hiatus, I got back on Facebook. Now, about a month and a half after being back on, I'm discouraged again by one major thing. 

So many things come down to us vs. them.

Conservatives vs. Liberals

Christians vs. Non-Christians
Poor vs. Rich

Us. vs. Them

The thing that bothers me the most is that it isn't just that we automatically label someone as "them." The issue is that because they are already labeled, everything they say or do goes through a filter in our brain. 

"Oh, they wouldn't budge on this? We'll they're conservatives to they're closed minded."

"Well they're a liberal, so they won't think realistically." 

Maybe it's inevitable that there is a distinct line and people are on each side of the line. But I don't think it's inevitable to automatically label people by the side that they fall on. And I'm guilty of this, too. But lately, it's all I see and hear. 

For instance, I've been deemed a "liberal" by some. Which is fairly silly because in the grand scheme of things, I'm probably pretty in the middle. So now that that label is assigned to me, articles that I post are taken out of context because some people go into the article and have already decided that they disagree with me just because they call themselves a conservative and call me a liberal.

So why do we have to take sides? And more importantly, why do we assign a label to those on the opposite side and change our mindset about that person because of the label? Especially something as broad as "liberal" or "conservative" that is incredibly subjective and changes depending on the issue.

Why does it have to be us versus them? Why can't it just be we?

Semester Recap

Umm how the heck is it already the end of December?! There's no way that this semester is already finished. 

But lets be real, I'm so glad it is!

This semester was interesting for me. I was taking 3 classes at Truett and also working as the Children's Advocate at the Family Abuse Center. One of my classes is known for being the hardest one at Truett and while it did end up being challenging, it was so much fun and I learned a ton about the Old Testament. Even if the oral final (talking about something in the Old Testament for 20 minutes) literally almost killed me, I absolutely loved the class. 

It was my second semester at Truett and the sense of community there is exactly what I started praying for back in January when I started. I prayed for God to be very intentional about the people that He placed in my path. I prayed for Truett to be my safe place and a place I could turn to when I needed encouragement and support. And that's exactly what I got. Words can't even describe how influential everyone at Truett has been.

Above all, this semester was a semester of growth. I grew a lot spiritually which I am incredibly grateful for. I also learned A LOT about scripture this semester. I can't tell you how many times I called my mom after class and went "THIS PART OF THE STORY WAS NOT ON THE FELT BOARD IN SUNDAY SCHOOL!!!" But it's been really cool to learn more about God's word and see how exciting the Old Testament can actually be! I also grew a lot in my professional life. I started working at the Family Abuse Center and have learned so much about the field and also about people in the short time that I've been there. 

This semester also taught me a lot about myself. When God shows you your insecurities, it is rarely fun. However, it's really cool to look back and see what He has taught me over just a few short months. 

When I wasn't going to have a job anymore, He showed me that I needed to trust in Him more.

When I was exhausted and tired of studying and reading, He showed me where my strength comes from.

When I was nervous about starting a new job or taking a test, He showed me that He was my inner peace.

When friendships and relationships were slipping away, He showed me where my identity is found.

When the evilness of the world was too much to handle, He reminded me that He will always overcome the world.

This semester was full of learning. I learned a lot of knowledge in my classes, but I also learned a lot about myself and about people. It's been a hot mess. But it's been a hot mess in the best way possible!

Heartbreak

Sometimes, the world just makes me sad. I'm not talking about the "Man, I wish things were better" type of sad. I mean sad as in heartbreaking. Overwhelming. Disheartening. 

On Monday, I was sitting in class looking at Facebook (sorry, Dr.Weaver) and I literally almost started crying. I don't want to get into politics. Mainly because I've noticed a majority of people on my facebook thinking very differently than I do on certain topics. However, it's my blog so I can discuss what I want to discuss :)

The Texas governor made a decision that I didn't agree with. This broke my heart. It broke my heart to think about the people that fleeing from their homes with literally nothing in the hopes of staying alive. The think "if we can only get to ______ then someone will help us." So they get to America and what happens? All states in the south say no. They say no to helping the "least of these." 

Then, I get on Facebook and find people cheering for this decision. Not only were people cheering, but they were ecstatic at the fact that America would not help them. 

"Send them to another country so they can bomb them instead."

"We should just be killing them as they come into the country before they can kill us."

 "Send them home to fight." 

"Why should we help them?" 

 

We help them because they are human and have no where else to go. We are saying no to those that Jesus specifically told us to help. And why? Because they're a different religion? Because they're from a different country? That's not how it works! 

That's the part the made me sad. The responses from people that I call friends and family. It was something that I hadn't experienced before. A sadness and heartbreak that hit so close to home that I was overwhelmed with it all. 

Maybe this is a stretch, but when people talk about the refugees, I think of the clients at my work. The lady and her two babies that I had to pick up at the ER because her husband had assaulted her. The woman who had no where to go. She was scared, her life was in danger, and she only had the things she could grab as she ran out the door. SOMEONE has to help those people. Stepping into the lives of people who are in need and broken opens our eyes to the pain of all kinds of others.

So right now, I'm just really discouraged and disheartened with the people in the world. Everyone from those that commit acts of terror such as ISIS to hateful and closeminded people on my newsfeed. I open social media and I see more things that make me sad than those that make me happy. I'm heartbroken by the people of the world and I'm not sure that that is something I can come to terms with.

However, I'm not sure I'm supposed to come to terms with it. The book of John tells us, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Jesus is more than all of this. Jesus will overcome when I can't. His love will win. 

Change

Change used to be a scary word for me.

It meant unknown.

Out of my control.

Scary.

And most of all, it meant giving up my pride.

While it's still slightly scary, I'm a lot better at change than I used to be.

I was talking with a colleague of mine and were discussing transitions. I started thinking about where I was at this time of my life last year. If I had any idea what the next year would bring, I probably would have crawled under the covers and not come out.
In the past year, I've experienced more death of dear family members and friends than I ever have in my life combined. I graduated college. I started a job. I started grad school. I started a relationship. I started a different job. I ended a relationship. I fell in love with a community of people that I never thought I would work with. I established a life in Waco. I found out how hard seminary truly is yet how rewarding it is.

So. Much. Change.

And you know what? I survived! I feel like I've grown and matured an incredible amount in the past year and especially in the past 6 months. I've learned a lot about myself. Qualities about me that I had pushed aside instead of dealing with. I have a lot more confidence in who I am and especially who I am in Christ. I've learned a lot about people and how despite being flawed (just as I am), at their core, people just crave to be loved and respected. I've learned that people won't agree with me on everything and that's perfectly okay.

I've learned that change is okay. It's inevitable and unavoidable. And from what I've learned, it's Christ teaching me that He is ALWAYS in control of my life even when I feel like it's out of control.

It's a good thing that I've become a lot more comfortable with change, because there's gonna be a lot of it in the next few weeks or so.
About a month and a half ago, I learned that the non-profit that I work for is shutting down and come October 31st, I will no longer have a job. The thought of leaving my kids, community, and colleagues makes me sick. I hate it. I can barely talk about it without tearing up. But whether I like it or not, it's happening. For the past 7 months, the residents at my apartment complex have become my life. I'm invested in the community and I absolutely hate having to leave them.
So preparing to leave my kids, looking for a new job, and *hopefully* starting a new job, there will be lots and lots of change. But that's okay! 

But just as this past year has shown me, it will all be okay and God will sustain me when I cannot sustain myself. 


Now, I've had a lot going on lately. School is getting crazy, work is crazy, my car is junk, and I have yet to find a new job. Lately, this has gotten my very stressed and has made more negative than I normally am. Ask anyone that has been around me the past week and they'll tell you that I've been a hot mess. I think Jessica and my mom are going to stop answer the phone when I call so they won't have to listen to me crying anymore. BUT. This is not okay. If I truly believe everything I wrote above, then there is no reason to be a constant hot mess. So please, if you catch me being negative about circumstances of my life, remind me of the words that I wrote above. It's easy for me to type everything out and say that I trust God and I'm not worried about money, jobs, and school. But it's a completely different story to live that out on a daily basis.  Hold me accountable, yall! Remind me who is in control of my life and encourage me to pursue Christ with everything I have. 

Thanks for reading, friends!