I've always been the type of person to crave routine, stability, and consistency. This came in handy when I started grad school here in Waco because I didn't have to change houses, towns, or communities. I've been in Waco for 6 years now and my love for this town grows stronger as time goes on. But lately, things have been slightly different.
I've been very antsy lately. Wanting a change. Wanting something new.
There's an area of Waco that I drive through pretty frequently. This area is a tad rough and it's one that would probably make my parents nervous if I lived in it but I absolutely LOVE it. Every time I drive through the area, I want to buy one of dilapidated houses and fix it up. *Can I say how much I hate the fact that I tried to find a different phrase rather than "fix it up" to avoid saying it about a house in Waco and people think I'm referring to Fixer Upper??* I almost get overwhelmed by how badly I want to buy one of these houses. It's one of my dreams to do this and I want to do it soon. I want to do it now.
I also keep seeing jobs posted that I absolutely love. Jobs that would utilize my two Master degrees. Then I quickly remember that I'm not done with school and I won't be done with school for another TWO YEARS. But I want these jobs now.
*Insert complainy Erin that is having a mid-life crisis*
I'm over this stage of life and want to be in the next stage of life. I'm tired of being in school. I'm tired of only working part time while spending the rest of my time doing homework. I want to move onto the next stage of life where I have a full time job, I can read all year long for fun, I'm married, and we buy a house in my favorite area to fix up and become part of the neighborhood. I've been in this stage of life for too long and I want more. I feel like the Lord could be using me more in other settings.
Before I write a blog, I usually let it sit in my head for a little bit. As of yesterday, that last paragraph was going to be the end of the post. I was going to post it without a happy ending. I think too often, we tell the story after it's finished and we skip the process. Usually a process that isn't fun and isn't quick, but a process that involves God doing a lot of work within us. So I was going to let yall see the process and then a few months later, would give yall the happy ending. (Remember how I like plans?)
Then I went to church this morning. I had a feeling that church this morning was going to do some work on me. Saturday night, I was hoping and praying that the sermon was somehow going to be related to this and that God would use our pastor to speak. Sure enough, that's exactly what happened. We talked about living a life that exemplifies the Gospel even in the mundane everyday life that we live. Our pastor said, "Whatever state of life you're in, it's telling the story of Jesus Christ."
Then he said, "The feeling of not being enough is something that Christ never called us to feel."
So as you can tell, church was pretty convicting but also pretty encouraging.
Now, don't be fooled. It wasn't like I went to church, heard the sermon, and everything was magically better. Am I still over this stage of life? Yes. Do I want to be done with school and start the next stage of life? Yes. But anytime I think about not being content with my life right now, I think about what God is doing in my life right now. The people that He has surrounded me with, the wonderful community in Waco, the privilege to work with and learn from my clients at my job, and the way He is shaping and molding my heart right now. I know this is shocking to you, but I can be stubborn and very set in my ways. So whenever God is working on something in my life (aka all the time), it usually takes a while for it to really click with me and change within my heart.
So while there was a slightly happy intersection, it wasn't an ending. Just a jump start to the whole process. Bear with me and we'll see where it goes