Sunday, February 26, 2017

Sacred Time

My kids at work get very overwhelmed and overstimulated very easily. When this happens, we help them do different things that we call "grounding exercises." These exercise utilize their senses and help remind their brain that they are in the present time and that they are safe. We get them to see things around them, take deep breaths, talk about what they smell, and just make them feel safe and secure. 

I spent the weekend in Rockport and it was a bit of a grounding exercise for me.

The past 3 months have been challenging, to say the least. If you know me well, you know that I hate dealing with emotions. For me, it's easier to push the emotions aside in order to continue on with life. But you can only do that for so long. 

At the end of December and into January, I experienced betrayal and shock like I never had before. That ended up leading to anger and resentment like I had never experienced and didn't want to experience. This experience also include deep sadness like I had only experienced once in my life before. 

I've also been deeply struggling with the Church and Christianity as a whole. Let me be clear, I'm not struggling with my faith and my relationship with Jesus Christ. I honestly don't know if my relationship with the Lord has ever been stronger than it currently is. I see things that a lot of Christians are doing and there are things that I think the Church is severely failing on. I'm trying my hardest to not be overly political because that is not my point. But I see a lot of Christians saying and doing things that go against the scripture and it's deeply disheartening for me. The past few months, I've felt rejected because of my political and spiritual beliefs and that has been hard for me to handle.

One of my biggest personality flaws is emotional cutoff. I am 100% invested in people and will fight with them and for them with everything I have. However, if someone does something that hurts me, I am 100% out very quickly and very permanently. I will still be nice and considerate, but I emotionally shutoff and end the relationship. Right now, it is a daily struggle for me to not do that with the Church. I'm angry with the Church and I'm having to work that out. 

I also just ended a relationship that I had been in for four months. There are no hard feelings towards him by any means and the relationship as a whole was great. While he was great and I have a lot of respect for him, the feelings just weren't there so I ended it.  Regardless of how things end, ending a relationship is a stressful and emotional ordeal. It's definitely not fun.

Then mix all of that with working and taking 12 hours in grad school. The past 3 months have been highly emotional, exhausting, overwhelming, restless, and disheartening. So I decided I needed a reset. My soul longed to be around my people and the water. I'm 24 years old and I desperately needed a hug from my mom and dad. 

This weekend in Rockport was a grounding exercise for me. When I think about the last 2 days, the word that comes to mind is "sacred." I was able to spend time with my family on both sides, old friends, get rest, and also get some homework done all while never feeling rushed or busy. 
One of my best friends from high school just happened to be in town this weekend. One cousin from Nashville and one from Austin just happened to be in town, as well. It was definitely God-ordained!

I needed this weekend to remind me of who I am, where I came from, and where I am headed. I drive around and see the water and it calms my spirit and my soul. I spend time with my friends and family and get reminded that people believe in me and how fortunate I am to have the family that I do. I walk into church and am reminded that I have people fighting for me and praying for me. I drive through old Rockport and see my great grandparent's house and am reminded of the family that has set the foundation for my life. Don't get me wrong, I have a very close group of people in Waco that I think of as family. But going home is different. 

It's sacred. 

This morning, I was doing some homework while sitting by the water at the beach. The nice thing about seminary is that some of the homework is reading scripture. One of my favorite things about seminary is seeing my personal walk with the Lord line up with my classwork. I had to read the book of Ecclesiastes for one of my classes and one passage resonate with me quite deeply. The beginning of chapter 3 states: 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 
 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up; 
 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 
 a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 
 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away; 
 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 
 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Life has seasons. Some seasons are fun while others are challenging and testing. I am currently in a season full of struggles and challenges. But that also means that I'm in a season of being refined and molded. For that, I choose to be grateful. 

This weekend has been sacred. I stand by the water, drive around town, laugh with my family and friends, and I am reminded that
 I am safe.
 I am cared for. 
I am loved. 
I am supported. 
I am His. 

Escaping life for just a weekend has the power to ground me in a way that I can't explain. 

A sacred grounding. 

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