Bad Advice

Don't worry yall, this is not going to be another blog post about how it's okay to be single. I cannot tell you enough how tired of reading those I am. *aka please stop sending me articles about being single.* This might sound a little rambly so stick with me.

When I was a young teenager, I had someone within the church tell me and a few other girls my age that it was totally okay to be single. Nothing wrong with that, right? Then they said that when we were right with God and our relationship with God was solid, then would He send us a spouse. 

Sheesh. 

If you work with teenage girls, or really any humans at all, PLEASE don't ever tell them that when they do a certain something, God will then do something in return. We don't control God. That's not how it works. We don't know what He's planning for our lives. It's just bad theology and can be very damaging. 

It took me until I was about a sophomore in college to know that that advice was a load of poop. I spent about 6 years feeling insecure in my relationship with Christ. I had thoughts running through my head like "Why haven't I met someone yet? Something with my relationship with Christ must be wrong." or "I need to pay more attention to my faith or else I'll never get married."

Yall, both of these are so ridiculous. As I type them out, it seems so silly and embarrassing that I was having those thoughts. However, that's what I had been told and it stuck with me. Even do this day, my brain will think those thoughts and I have to catch myself. Now, these ladies meant well. They had no idea that this would be the implication of their words. And they taught me multiple other things that have greatly influenced my faith in a positive way. But that one piece of advice messed with me for 6 whole years. 

My relationship status has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship with Christ. I am complete because I am complete in Christ. I love Jesus and I love Him not expecting anything to return.

I don't really know the point of this blog. Maybe it's to remind you if you are single, that God has not forgotten about you. Maybe it's to remind you that are you loved and wanted. Maybe it's to remind you that as a single person, you have a very unique ministry opportunity that you may not have forever. Take advantage of it! And when people that truly do care about you send you articles on being single and continually ask if you're married yet, try telling them everything God is doing in your life. Give them examples of how God is using you. Believe it or not, you don't have to be married to start serving Christ ;)

Take heart, friends. You are loved, cherished, and not alone.

Reconciliation

In Genesis 32 and 33, we see Jacob reconciling with Esau. As most of you know, Jacob had tricked his father and stole Esau's birthright. After not speaking for 14 years, Jacob was trying to reconcile with his twin brother. Esau and his 400 men could have easily killed Jacob for what he had done to him. Instead, Esau forgave him, they reconciled, and everything in the past was forgotten. A familiar story to most, right? However, there's one thing in this story that I think we tend to skip over. Before the reconciliation happens, Jacob wrestled with God. They wrestled all night long before Jacob was changed. 

Right now, it feels like I'm "wrestling with God." And friends, it isn't fun. 

Reconciliation isn't easy. It isn't our human nature to reconcile with those that have wronged us. There's a good chance that if I were Esau, it would've taken a lot longer than 14 years for me to forgive my brother when he stole all of my inheritance from me. Isn't it a wonderful thing that God still loves us even when we're brats?

I don't know if yall know this, but I'm very stubborn. Very very stubborn. I'm also a pro at what my pastor in Rockport would call "emotional cutoff." The combination of the two makes it very hard for me forgive those that wrong me. The majority of the time, it's easier for me to just remove myself from the situation/relationship than work through things. Especially if I tried to work through things and it just got worse. 

Jesus does not call us to this. He calls us to work things out. And in my head, I know this. I know that we are to forgive as He forgave us. I know that even if someone wrongs us a million times, we are to still forgive them (Luke 17:3-4). I know that it can damage relationships long term if we do not forgive one another. In my mind, I know all of this. But that doesn't mean that my heart wants to forgive. The past 2 years, I've been able to just be cutoff from a certain relationship and it's been pretty easy. I was deeply hurt and continually shut down so I threw in the towel. But all of the sudden, I am being reminded that bitterness and resentment are not healthy. This is why I say I'm wrestling with God. It sure as heck isn't going to be me that decides to change my own heart towards this person. Cause if it were up to me, I wouldn't.  He's changing my heart. We're wrestling. But we're not quite done yet and I'm not sure we will be anytime soon.

The whole point of this blog is to encourage those of you that are also in this season of life cause I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Know that you aren't alone and know that it isn't easy. But I can also say that the Lord is faithful. I know this because He has put people in my life that have reminded me that reconciliation is the only option.  People that speak truth into me when I don't want to hear it. 

As my dear friend told me, "Make it right. Be bold, but not stubborn. Be bold for God.  Don't let anyone shut you down.  Don't stop loving."  

Or as another one told me, "Get it together and stop being so dang stubborn."