Weariness

There are some days where this world and the people in it make me sad. It seems like lately, those days are closer together and a lot more frequent. 

Before I continue, let me say that with this post, I want you to hear my heart. I want you to try and read my words and know where I'm coming from. I am not wanting to debate. I am not wanting to argue. I am simply writing so you know my heart and you understand its current brokenness. 

I am sad because people are afraid. I have children in my office legitimately afraid that they won't see family members again due to the current President-elect. I have friends who are social workers and teachers that have told me stories about multiple children, usually under the age of 10, that are scared because they know they are different. They are living in fear and that makes me sad. 

I am sad because the country gave the message that sexual assault is not something to fight against. Trump's words are not just words. He has actions to back up those words. Even if he didn't, his words are supporting a culture where women are not safe nor valued. And the general public (including 80% of "evangelical Christians") actively said that that issue wasn't worth fight for. To victims of abuse, it told them that their hurt and pain were not to be taken seriously. This makes me sad because every single day I see women who have experienced that abuse. They have been abused in ways I can't imagine and it breaks my heart that the people of America did not stand up for them. 

I am sad because I am seeing ugliness in people on both sides. I see hateful words come out of people that I know are not hateful people. I see relationships being ruined and feelings being hurt because we are not listening to each other. We are not grieving with each other. We are not coming along side one another. We are trying to knock each other down. 

I am sad because I see a lot of Christ-followers not stepping up. I am not going to say that Christians aren't stepping up because I know that a lot of Christians are. But I also see a lot of Christians gloating in the fact that others are mourning and grieving. I see Christians not taking care of other people. I see Christians belittling other people simply because they have different views, backgrounds, etc. That is not what Christ calls us to. 

I am sad because there are populations of people that now feel like nobody is on their side. Today, my own denomination that I know and love voted against church autonomy in order to ostracize the LGBT denomination. I want that community to know that the church can be a safe place for them. They have people on their side. Don't give up on the church or on Christ due to the actions of some. 

I am sad because it seems like love is losing. It seems like hate is beating love and that makes my soul weary. And I don't see it getting better any time soon. 

Friends, I am not writing to convince you of my political beliefs. I am writing because if you're reading this, I assume you care about me. And right now, I am having to really fight to not let my heart become hardened towards certain groups of people. It's so easy for me to become angry and bitter but I am fighting with everything I have to not let hate win my heart. 

I am sad. 

I am weary. 

I am tired.