Growth

It seems like every semester I'm at Truett, I'm learning more and more about myself. After the first semester, I remember thinking that I learned SO much about myself and that I had myself figured out. I was good to go, right?

WRONG-O.

So instead of a semester recap about my classes and what I learned in them (although they were all amazing and taught by some of the greatest and kindest people you will every meet), I decided to make my semester recap focused on what I learned about myself. 

At the beginning of the semester, we had to make a "personal covenant" in my covenant group at Truett. It was essentially a way for us to think through how we wanted the semester to go and what we could improve on or continue doing. There were a few different sections, but one was about our relationship with ourselves. At the top of my list, I wrote, "Put myself before others."

Not what you would expect, huh? I probably could've thought of a different way to word it but I kind of liked how it caught me, and others, off guard. I was learning that sometimes it's okay, and healthy, to put myself before others. 

Up until now, I've had this "martyr" mindset that totally wasn't healthy. I could've sworn I wrote a blog post on it but I couldn't find it so maybe not. I had always been under the assumption that if someone was going to get hurt and thrown under the bus, it might as well be me because I knew I could handle it. I was constantly "taking one for the team." If someone was going to suffer, I was fine with it being me. As I'm writing it out now, it seems so silly to me. 

These last few months, I've realized that that is not healthy at all. It's not healthy, fair, or good practice for life in the long run. There are times when I need to put myself and my feelings first and that's okay! It's all about balance and it's all about healthy boundaries.

My job, and mainly my wonderfully awesome supervisor had a huge part in this realization and change. If I continued living my life as this martyr-like figure, I would eventually burn out. And that probably would've happened a lot sooner rather than later. 

The other big thing I've learned this semester is about friendship and what the word "friendship" actually means. To me, friendship means supporting someone, praying for them, encouraging them, engaging in meaningful conversations, and just living life with someone in general. True and meaningful friendship isn't just gossiping about pointless things and complaining about life. I've learned a lot about what a true friend is and I've also learned that it's totally okay to not continue a friendship with someone if it's draining for me. I want every friendship that I have to reflect Christ and I want to bring out the absolute best in someone and I want them to bring out the best in me. I have a handful of friends like that in my life and I'm so incredibly thankful for them and the joy that they bring to me. Obviously, I'm not saying that I'm just going to cut off a relationship with someone. But I'm learning about how to let some people in more than others.

Like I said before, it seems like I'm just learning so much about myself in this time of my life and it's been quite a journey. I'm realizing that when I know myself more and am mindful about my thoughts, actions, and relationships, then I interact with other people in a more healthy and Christ-like way. My ultimate goal in life is to point every person I interact with in life to Christ through my words, actions, and encounters. The more I learn about myself the more natural that becomes.