At Truett, all students are required to be involved in a Covenant Group. This is for spiritual formation throughout our time at seminary. My group is composed of our leader, myself, and 3 other lovely ladies. We're all in different walks of life so I'm excited to see where The Lord guides us this semester. For our first assignment, we were asked to write out our faith story and share it with our group. I figured I would share it with yall too! It's rather long, so hang on with me. But it's hard to put 15 years of God's work into one story! I could go into way more detail with every event and if you want more detail, just ask and I would be happen to tell more!
Faith Story
When I think about writing out my whole faith story, I get
slightly overwhelmed. I was baptized at age 7 so this story goes across a span
of 15 years. It’s overwhelming because I’ve seen God do so much. From the huge
events that can only be explained through Him to the little situations that I
can look back on and think, “God that was totally you. I had no idea at the
time, but that was all you.” I reflect back on the happy times, the times
filled with sorrow, and the times filled with anger. The times when I felt like
God was running next time me but also the times when I couldn’t feel him near
for long periods of time.
Like I said before, I was baptized when I was 7 years old.
My sister and I were baptized at the same time by our father in front of our
church. Even though this is huge milestone in my journey, I would not classify
it as one of the defining moments. It was only the first introduction. The seed
that was planted that would eventually grow and blossom. For the next few
years, nothing truly significant happened. Which looking back now, I can see
that this wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Once I got to high school, I could
feel The Lord preparing me. This absolutely terrified me. I was comfortable. I
went to church twice a week, followed all the rules, was nice to everyone, so I
thought I was good to go. However, God very abruptly showed me that this was
not okay. Going through the motions and looking like the “good” Christian is
not okay. For about 5 or 6 months, I didn’t feel God’s presence in my life.
These months were filled with doubting, searching, and figuring out what I
believed. By the end, I had finally made my faith in Jesus Christ my own. I
didn’t just believe what my parents told me and I didn’t just pray when I needed
something. I had an actual relationship with Jesus Christ. One that sustained
me and brought me joy. Looking back, I see how this was in God’s plan for my
life and how it was timed perfectly.
It’s not possible for me to talk about my faith and not
include my church family. Aside from my biological family, my church family has
had one of the biggest impacts on my spiritual formation. I grew up in Rockport,
TX and my church family was filled with some of my favorite people. I had a
group of people that truly knew me, loved me, and prayed for me. They were
invested in my life, my activities, and especially my spiritual formation. Obviously,
my biological family was incredibly important as well. My family is rather
large, so I have always seen my great aunts and uncles, 2nd and 3rd
cousins, and whatnot on a pretty regular basis. My best friends include my
sister, mom, aunt, and cousin. My family means the world to me. They were always
supporting me and praying for me. While this is a great thing that I wouldn’t
trade for anything in the world, it also made me a people pleaser to the
extreme. I found myself living my life to please people that loved me, instead
of pleasing Christ. This is a character trait that was pointed out to me in
high school and that I’ve struggled with every single day. This all came to a
head towards the end of my undergrad. A huge disagreement happened in my home
church and it caused a lot of division. People that I had looked up to for
years and had been mentors to me were suddenly in the wrong. I saw human nature
come out more than Christ-like nature and it was horribly unpleasant. I learned
that people fail. It’s inevitable. This is one of the many reasons that I
cannot live for people. They will fail me time and time again yet Christ will
not. I literally have to wake up every day
surrender that part of me over to Christ and even then, it is a daily struggle for
me. However, I seen how this character trait, or flaw, also instilled in me a
yearning to help people. To make their life better because I desperately want
people to be happy. So while at times it can be bad, it has also shaped me into
who I am.
I surrendered my life to Christian ministry my senior year
in high school. I had no clue what it would look like and I wouldn’t figure it
out until halfway through my undergrad. Once I got to college, I knew that I was
being called to help the people in the world that were broken and hurting. I
also knew that I was being called to seminary which absolutely terrified me. I
didn’t want to go and I especially did not know how I was going to pay for it.
After months of prayer and talking to different people, I applied to Truett for
the Masters of Divinity and Masters of Social Work dual degree program. So not
only was I now getting 1 Masters degree, but two. I got accepted but I had no
idea how to pay for it. I absolutely knew that I was supposed to be a part of
this program and if I knew that I was called to do it, then God would make it
happen. It was a time where God was teaching me patience and how to be faithful
and trust Him. A week after I told Truett that I would be attending, I was
notified that I received a scholarship that would pay for 100% of my tuition at
Truett.
The last major milestone in my faith story happened last
semester and it was definitely the most significant because it forced me to
deal with something I hadn’t dealt with before and it forced me to place my
trust in Christ because I literally had no other option. Growing up, I had
never had to deal with the death of someone close to me. Even to this day, all
4 of my grandparents are still alive. I had never had to experience it until
last semester. On October 18th my Uncle Matt died of a heart attack.
He had had the heart attack 2 weeks before, and had been in ICU until he passed
away. Uncle Matt was one of my favorite people in the world. I had grown up
with him as my second dad. He was a genuinely good guy that loved the Lord and
loved every person that he came in contact with. The weeks leading up to his
death were filled with tears, long days, and lots of prayer. Prayer that started
as begging and bargaining and eventually changed to prayers asking for peace and
comfort for us. After he died, I also learned that it was okay to be mad at God
for a little bit. It’s okay to think that His plan isn’t fair. It’s part of the
grieving process. Still today, there’s days where it still doesn’t feel real
and I hate it. About a month after he died, one of my best friend’s moms passed
away. In a span of a month, two of my favorite people in the world were gone. It
seemed like everyone around me was hurting, including myself. While these were
times that caused immense pain and sorrow, they were also times that I saw God
present the most. I saw Him in people that ministered to us, in ways that He
comforted us, and simply just the fact that we were able to get out of bed
every morning afterwards. There was no way possible that I would have been able
to do it without him strengthening me along the way.
At this point in my life, I don’t know if I have ever felt
closer to God. I’m noticing little things in my life that He is doing and they
bring me so much joy. I’m surrounded my people that bring me closer to Him, I
attend a great school that has me constantly exploring my faith, and I’m just
so happy. It’s been so interesting to look back and see how He has used things
to prepare me for what was going to happen. For instance, even though the
process he took me through in high school was difficult at the time, if He had
not made me reevaluate my relationship with Him, I would not have been able to
handle Uncle Matt’s death. The strength that He had built up within me was put
to use during the most trying time of my life. This semester, I’m praying for
community. Community within my classes, my church, and my friends. Then also
how each of those individual communities will work towards the Kingdom of God.
I’m excited to see what God will do with me during these next few years in
Waco. I have no idea what the next few years will look like. I’m sure there
will be highs and lows, but I’m even more sure that my relationship with Christ
will withstand it all.
No comments:
Post a Comment